SOCIAL CONDITIONING: a term used to describe, among other things, what
the entire main stream media does to change men into women. It's so
pernicious that men don't even realize that they use feminine
terminology today, that they would never even think to use 50 years ago.
One of the most endemic masculine pitfalls men have faced since the
rise of feminine social primacy has been the belief that their ready
displays of emotional vulnerability will make men more desirable mates
for women.
In an era when men are raised from birth to be “in touch with their
feminine sides”, and in touch with their emotions, we get generations of
men trying to ‘out-emote’ each other as a mating strategy.
Now, I am not a pickup artist, nor am I trying to teach men how to have casual gender, mainly because I don't believe in it, shocking I know, no one ever says that. But, I will point out a few things of how to destroy social conditioning.
If men were honest they would say the following. I am sure women think they know what men want, and I am sure they think men are so transparent and simple that they have them all figured out. Nothing could be further from the truth. Men are not simple, and are just as complex and multifaceted as women. It is illogical to think that because you have a vagina, that somehow you are transcended to a much loftier mind and being than a human with a penis. If you actually believe that somehow your breasts make you more than a non-breast-having human, then you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book, marketing of "women".
If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you'll notice, time and again, I shed light into the world that is psychobabble, marketing to the gender and the social stratification builds set up simply to get you to buy into various notions, all for you to put your money down. Think tanks all over America have come up some doozy complicated propaganda to get women to think one way, "I am equal to a man, if not better." The truth is, the people behind the marketing, have absolutely no care for women nor even consider them worthy of the things they pretend to give them, equality. That is to say, these think tanks that came up with "women can work", "women are equal to men", and "women are better than men" nearly all despise women, and consider them inferior. So why put out propaganda to get them to work and vote and other things? The truth is simple. If a woman buys into the notion that a woman's place is not to raise children, take care of the home while hubby goes and wins the bread, then she drops kids and hubby and comes and works as well, and has her own money, to buy crap, without needing approval from her hubby. Also, with women working the corporate fat cats have another cheap labor pool to exploit for profit.
So, now that you have an understanding what's at work when you think you know what a man wants, you are broken down and suddenly realize that the whole notion that women are somehow: more intuitive, more nurturing, more sensible than a man is all hogwash.
Men are Driven by gender
This is more propaganda put out by your local police, city government and nation government. How can they make men appear to be driven by gender ? Easy, they deprive the population of gender , then turn around and put out scandalous information in the media / news that promotes gender .
No man, that is a man, is governed by the thought of gender . If you find a male, driven by gender , he is an infant in the brain and no man at all.
At the end of the day, having gender may seem like an "adult" thing, but in reality, having lots of gender and constantly thinking about gender is a teenage thing. Once a man has become and actual adult, he puts aside gender thoughts and starts to think about much, much bigger things in life.
What could it benefit the country to have men in a juvenile state? Easy, it's called the police / nanny state. That means that if the men have no matured to the point where they are beyond the adolescent phase, then the government is their father in all things and can tell them what to do. If you don't have real, thinking, adult men in the population, then you can control everyone.
Do not mistake this point to mean that men don't want to have gender , which stupid people reading this blog sometimes do. The point is that they are not GOVERNED by the wish for gender . Sure, most everyone "wants" gender , but adults don't think about it 24 / 7.
Moral: if you find a male that always talks about gender or wants to have gender with you, that male has not matured into adulthood yet, or never will.
Men Will Do Anything for Women
Sadly, I am sure you women have already concluded this is not true at all. First off, some men, a very minor few, are gender so, of course they will not do anything for you. Secondly, unless the man is another immature brat, you cannot control him with your vagina. Yeah, so point one is starting to take shape? I know a lot of women that are with complete scrubs and control their guys with the threat of no vagina.
First of all, the very idea that you would think to control someone with them getting into your vagina is gender , to begin with. Now stop for a second. Think back to commercials, jokes, movies where you saw this in play. Even a silly comment like "none for you tonight honey". It indoctrinates you to buy into this gender notion: I can control a man with my vagina. STOP! Now if you read point one carefully, you know what I am about to say. If you can control a man with your vagina, he is not a man at all.
So manipulation aside, why do real men do things for women? It is pretty obvious. A human will do something nice for another human for only two reasons: they are a nice person [ which never happens in modern society ]; or they want to gain favor with that person [ even kids understand this concept of reverse manipulation ]. So, if you, the woman, think you are lording over someone because they do things for you, take a step back and realize what you do for them in return. Don't you feel obligated if someone does something for you? Everyone does. Isn't that how the dating scene is? It's like rule #1, do something for the other person and they will date / fall in love / marry you ... eventually. Trust me, it's a backwards notion, and a very immature way of approaching love. There we go again with the immaturity.
Moral: the very thought that you would control someone with your vagina is a gender notion. That aside, if you can control a male with your vagina, he is not a man to begin with.
Men Only Want One Thing From a Woman
Sadly, it breaks my heart to even hear women or worse, men say this. Again, only an immature male would say this. Men do not want gender from women, as the be all end all. If push came to shove there are plenty of sheep and goat in the world that men could stick their penis in. Remember that. In the 1700s there was a small town that was plagued with witch hunts. They killed so many women, as witches, that they had nearly none left of any decent age. The men took to having gender with sheep after awhile. Sad but true.
Men want a myriad of things from women. First and foremost is companionship. As much as the commercials and TV and movies say men are afraid of commitment, it is not true. Notice how much this is said all over the place: "men are afraid of commitment". Unless a man is genuinely uninterested in you, they will date / marry you. There is tremendous marketing to get you AND men to buy into the notion that men are afraid of commitment. Why? Because then you won't seek a boyfriend or you'll sabotage all your relationships and go get a job yourself, and spend your money by yourself. See the scam? It's one big circle.
Men want someone that likes them, just for being them. What does that mean? That means, when he's 40, you don't get bored of him because he lost his muscles, or going bald or doesn't play basketball every Saturday. It means you love the person inside, not outside. Love is an inward thing, not an outward thing.
America is so caught up in looks, as opposed to overseas. Look at movies from other countries and you'll immediately notice that their actors are not as polished, porcelain, plastic as ours. So the entire fake look thing trickles down all through our society. When was the last time you went shopping for clothes and why did you buy the clothes you bought? That's the real question. Why do you buy the things you buy? Looks. So if a man gets signs from you that you're into him only for his looks, after awhile he'll treat you the same way. And, we pick up on that real quick. The couple down the road got a divorce at 40, because he said she got fat. Is he a bastard for that? Or, the truth is, she treated him like a trophy husband from day one so when she lost her looks, he moved on.
Moral: be sure the man you're with is not just into you for the gender . Why? Because he can get gender from anyone, anything AND it doesn't have to be a woman. Real talk. It doesn't have to be human. Real talk.
The Lowest Common Denominator
When girls get together they say and act one way. When they are alone or one on one, they say and act differently. Men are no exceptions to this. The expectations are totally different of course. The sad part is, as the group gets larger, everyone gets dumber. The same is true for women as it is for men. The lowest common denominator is the rule. Noone in the history of man, has ever been brave enough to appear smarter than anyone in a group they wish to be part of. Let me put that another way. To be a part of a group, everyone feels they have to belong to the group. So, they make sure they don't say anything to make them stand out. The easiest way NOT to stand out, is to appear to be smarter than anyone in the group.
If that is true then, when these men get together the dumbest person in the group is the guide. Going back to my other points, the most immature man in the group is how the group will act. Once the man is part of the group he learns from the group. So if 2 men in a group of 5 are immature adolescent gender fiends, then the group will be also. The lowest common denominator wins.
So when you see a man in a group that you like and he acts like a douche bag to you, understand what is going on. He is expected to act like a douche bag.
Also, when men get together and the dumbest person only thinks about gender , all the men in the group will seek approval from the group by relating gender stories.
Another way and another aspect of this lowest common denominator is the "misery loves company" group. This is a group of men that will go out of their way to say and do the most depressing things imaginable to impress the group. Ever wonder why a guy who scratches himself or breaks something gets up and says "boy wait till the guys hear this". Well now you know why.
What to Take From This
At the end of the day, a man wants one thing. No, that's a lie. That what everyone wants you to believe. The reality is, a man wants a myriad of things:
companionship till he's old and gray
someone to share moments with
someone who shares the same interests as him
someone to take care of his household
someone to take care of and have his children [ i know that sounds old fashioned but it is still STILL true ]
someone that respects him AND respects herself [ being with a gender is fun when you're 17, but not when you're 27 ]
someone to take care of [ I know, sounds weird, but a man still wants to be a man - me Tarzan you Jane ]
A lot of women miss the boat. On TV it seems that only cool people are on. The whole Waltons type of family is dead and gone off of TV, but the reality is that is how men want to live.
I hate to say it but, if you do not submit yourself to a man and allow him to be the man of the house, then more than likely, either you don't have a man or your relationship is doomed to fail. A man doesn't grow up and leave the house to submit to another father figure. At some point he has to become the father figure. If you're so caught up in this women's lib thing that you cannot see this, then there's no hope for you. A boy cannot be a father. I know many try, but ... yeah the proof is in the pudding.
At some point you have to be a woman to your man, and not a man to your man. Now that's just creepy when it's broken down like that. But, so many "modern" women are trying to be a man to their man. Honey, if that's the case then you don't want a man or shall I say, he don't want a woman. If you get my drift. LOL
Through extensive interviews and research, (no, not just my cousins this time) I have compiled a list of the top 10 reason why girls don't like nice guys. Oh they say they want a nice guy, but at the end of the day, they don't date nice guys. I know it's a double standard, that girls need to appear to be respectable, i.e. not a sleezy slut, so they try and be seen with a decent guy, but they crave bad boys. All those guys in jail prove it. They all have or had girl friends. So the message is clear, broken English; high-school drop out; police record; getting into fights, is a sure way to get in bed with 99.999999% of the girls on the planet.
What's worse is, the very thing that women crave, they look for in a man with the opposite qualities. And, what are these qualities that women want? Oh that's easy:
strength
protection
freedom
They are under the assumption that they cannot get these qualities in a nice guy, so they go looking for it in a bad boy.
Top 10 Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish Last
Nice guys have no adventure or are not wild and crazy: women are constantly thinking that good guys are boring and have absolutely no fun. Apparently good guys stay home and read books (or write blogs, wait a minute, that's me *gasp*). Girls don't think good guys have any "fun", like getting arrested?
Nice guys have no sense of humor: turn on any t.v. show and you'll find some idiot guy punching, kicking, tripping or falling, and laughing about it. Even videos online have guys getting into fights and laughing about it. If you're a guy in a public computer place, your best bet to get a chick is to watch one of those videos and laugh at it and ask a cute girl to come watch it with you. 9 out of 10 of those girls will give you their number on the spot.
Nice guys cry. Girls think that being sensitive in a man is a sign of complete weakness. It's an extremely unfair double standard. They want a guy to ask them what's wrong with them when they're sad, but God forbid he ever has a bad day. You can't have a guy that is sensitive enough to see when you're sad, yet not feel sad himself. He either is sensitive or he's not. He either knows when you're crying, because he cries too, or he doesn't give a rat's patoot at all.
Nice guys run away from fights. However dumb that even sounds, girls think that bad boys will stick up for them [the girl] and for themselves. What women have no understanding is that intimidation is how most fights are actually won. Guys don't lift weights to be better fighters, we lift weights so we can be physically menacing. How many men in the U.S. are actually on a professional football team? That would be about 0.00000001% of the male population. Yet the fitness industry has exploded. There are more physically fit and bodybuilder level men now that ever in the history of mankind. And, it's not because men need to be that big.
Nice guys don't drink / smoke. This may vary around the country. Around here there is a huge section of the population that is from a cult, and they don't drink or smoke. No girl wants to date them, except the other cult girls, but ... anywho. Girls feel they cannot go "out" with nice guys and have a little night on the town. Trust me, going to the library, as a date, is no fun. I've done it. LOL She asked me to meet her there so, don't blame me.
Nice guys are not confident. This is one of the biggest complaints girls have about nice guys. While noone wants to be physically abused, a lot of women want to be manhandled. They want to physically feel the strength of the guy on their body. This is why so many women are attracted to big body builder guys. Even fat guys are more successful than skinny guys. Being physically imposing, goes a long way with women. Although the good guy would say he's being polite, most women have absolutely no concept of manners. At least, in this day and age they do not. Girls have no idea that saying "excuse me" is actually polite. Therefore they are attracted to a guy that simply brushes by them, more than a guy that waits until you get out of the way, or says excuse me as he walks by.
Nice guys don't make "moves". While this is a huge oxymoron, it made the list. This is just to show you how stupid [no offense] these girls are. You see, they're talking out of both sides of their mouth. On the one hand they say that good guys don't make moves on them, but at the end of the day, neither do bad boys. In both cases the girl makes the first move and makes all the moves thereafter. You see the bad boy ignores the girl, which turns her on. So either they want to be ignored or they don't want to be ignored. They complain that the good guy is too shy and doesn't make a move, but then the bad boy doesn't make a move either.
Nice guys don't have money. This right here ... sigh. So the story is that bad boys, who probably just got through mugging someone, give the girls money occasionally and nice guys don't. Oh the nice guy pays for a meal, but he doesn't hand over wads of cash. Even if they girl knows where the bad boy got the money, they don't care. As long as they hand them the money, they don't care. They also think that bad boys have more potential to be rich some day, probably from watching how evil bastards do get rich in business.
Nice guys are creepy or stalk you. Although, this is by definition, not a good guy, this made the list. Girls think that being nice is so strange that it is creepy. A guy that smiles at you, laughs at your jokes, buys you a drink, is somehow interpreted as creepy. I chalk this up to girls just be schizo and not knowing what they want.
Nice guys don't know how stuff. I didn't go into details, but, apparently being a good guy automatically means that you do boring stuff and immediately fall asleep. Many, many girls said they want a bad boy behind closed doors. They tended to shy away from good guys on this very fact. Even if they truly wanted a nice guy, they turned him down because at the back of their mind, nice guys cannot handle behind closed doors.
Solution for Nice Guys
Don't Stop Being a Nice Guy
Well after that list, what can a nice guy do? It is my learned opinion, after viewing this entire list and going through all of the copious information I gathered for this scholarly article, that only one conclusion can be drawn from it:
NICE GUYS SHOULD ONLY DATE NICE GIRLS
And, there you have it. It is a peculiar type of woman that craves for a bad boy. I observed that only bad girls, in some form, want bad boys. They spoke of how they wanted some guy to be "open minded". This means to me that they themselves are lacking and therefore, they need someone who can deal with their lack. People say that women are emotional. Well, after asking this question and looking hundreds of girls right in the eye, I can safely say that, girls a emotional. I don't think emotional quite captures it.
So many girls are simply not taught by their mothers correctly of what the situation is in the dating scene. Even worse, the father doesn't even mention dating to his little girl. Sure some fathers go the opposite side of the road and try and scare the bejeezus out of the girl, telling her all sorts of horrific tales of how evil men are, but those aren't as common as those fathers who simply shut up and never mention anything. In their efforts to keep their little girl from being hurt, battered, bruised or left alone, they end up leaving them to fend for themselves. I mean, we're here to populate the planet. We cannot do that by burying our heads in the sand and pretending the opposite gender doesn't exist. So, we end up with a daughter that sits in a bar scared to death of some inevitable horror that will play out in her love life. The end result is that she is miserable and whoever she "dates" is equally miserable. Don't even get me started on those who got absolutely no heads up by their parents on dating, and thus went to MTV for their advice on how dating should be done. Hello, Tila Tequila. [I followed her on twitter for about a month. I just couldn't take how bad she is, and unfollowed her like a bad habit. But, you didn't hear that from me, cuz I ain't one to gossip.]
Speaking of sad, and the entire reason for this article, I see this tragedy play out all the time. Girl sits at the bar, blending in with the upholstery, sighing. Noone talks to her all night, and proceeds to go home and tell her pillow how there are "no good men left in the world." She has a sense that she shouldn't be a total skank, so she tries to play "hard to get". The problem is, she's not playing hard to get, she's playing hard to notice.
Let's be honest for a second. For all the women out there that only attract bad boyfriends, look in the mirror honey, you're bad. Like attracts like. With that said, being afraid of attracting some horrible guy is not something that just happens by chance. Sitting at a bar, hoping not to attract the "wrong" guy should not be your focus. You should doll yourself up, lose the weight and be confident that the "right" guy will be attracted to you.
You have no idea how many friend girls I hear complain about how they never meet anyone. I don't have the heart to tell them, it's them and not the guys. I have no idea who would be attracted to hair that has never seen conditioner, a roller nor a highlight. I have had grown women tell me there is no need for them to look attractive. Really? [Sigh]
Don't get me wrong, I'm not here to push the beauty industry down your throat but christ almighty, no moisturizer and broken straps are not something people need to see. No, don't go buy the entire stock of the make-up counter at Neiman Marcus, but don't look like a sad puppy.
Some girls and women need to stop being delusional that they are playing hard to get and realize they are playing hard to notice.
There is almost no romance on T.V. or in movies any more. "Falling in Love", apparently now, is a 4 letter word. The entire notion of the fantasy love story of a man and woman having a love so strong that it lasts, even beyond death is non-existent. It has all been replaced with problems and problems, or gender images and graphic gender. They portray love stories now as being problematic to get the point across that loving someone is ALWAYS problematic. They seek to destroy whatever notion of happiness you find in another human. Why? So you can look to them for your happiness.
The national entertainment outlets always create love "stories" in the same lame format:
boy meets girl
boy and girl aren't perfect
they obviously need changing
problems
problems
problems
story over
I want you to go sit through any 5 chick flicks in the past 5 years. I want you to keep track of the outline I just set and see if I am wrong. If you have been reading my blog for any time, you've seen my movie reviews. I do not want to sound jaded or too cynical, but entertainment is now depressing and not fun. Even kids' movies are not fun.
The entertainment now seeks to depress you to such a degree as to make you discontent with your own life. You've been programmed that you must return to the movies to get your entertainment. Having a dinner party and inviting friends and playing board games is ancient history. [although I did just that last year, was great fun] People are now programmed to think that going to dinner, club and the movies are the ONLY ways to have "fun". The movies and t.v. for their part depress you to such a degree that it bleeds over into your real life. Since they try to define what a "relationship" is for you, when you leave the movie depressed you will then seek out the problems in your own relationship.
"AHA, you did squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle, this relationship is over."
As stupid as that sounds, it is oh so sadly true. The movies present generalities about problems in relationships and people watching these movies take it to heart thinking it is a universal truth, and break up with their loved one.
"Why did she break up with you man?"
"I don't know, I guess we grew apart."
No man, she watched MTV or some stupid movie and thought that you checking your cell phone every 5 minutes was factual evidence that you were cheating on her. She didn't stop to realize that your grandma was in the hospital with cancer, on her death bed. So now you've lost your grandma and your girl friend all in one day.
I can guarantee you this scenario happens daily across the land.
Oh don't let me leave out the chick magazines. When they aren't depressing women with evidence that they are somehow not beautiful for NOT having a heroin induced, malnurished body, they are telling them that:
something is wrong with their man
you can change your man
if your man doesn't listen to you, he's obvious broken
if the mail-room boy asks you out on a date that somehow he's a pervert and needs to be sued
The magazines defining women's lives is completely over the top and out of hand. A dress-size zero woman is not good looking to a man. End of story. If the bones in her arms and legs are the largest section of that particular appendage, men will stay away from them. Also malnourished women look like children, and only a man with a tendency towards pedophilia would like that look. How many men have to come out and say they like big breasts, big hips, big legs, before females GET IT. How many real life celebs with larger measurements become the idol of millions of men, before females GET IT. Stop reading these stupid magazines that tell you that the anorexic look is OK.
Then the magazines set you up for disaster in your relationship, by telling you, you can change your man. Yes, simply go out and grab the nearest man you can find, and change him. Obviously, putting effort into finding a decent man FOR YOU, is far too much trouble. Isn't that the message they are actually trying to say? And, what human thinks that they can change an adult male? "An old dogs does not learn new tricks." It's not just a funny saying. It is true. If your ulterior motive in a relationship is to get some good looking guy and MOLD him into what you want him to be, then you are setting you and him up for a disastrous relationship. Get off your lazy anorexic butt and go find a GOOD MAN. And, if the one you find is not perfect, then you might need to change your notions of what perfect is. Ask yourself, who taught you what a perfect man is? I'm not saying go marry an axe murderer, but I am saying if he drinks beer and likes video games, that does not mean he is imperfect. If you require 24/7 attention, the problem is with you, not him. You be you, and let him be him. If you're doing it right, you will "grow together." If you go into a relationship with that open mindedness, then you will never break up / get divorced.
The magazines try to tell you what you want to hear. Apparently, if your man does not listen to you 100% of the time, then something must be wrong with him. Get rid of him. That's the message right? Let's see! Movies and comics and magazines always say that females are "always right." You and me both, know that is a lie. If you do not know all the facts and details about something, there is no possible way you could always be right. You need to wake up and smell the coffee. They are trying to sell you something by flattering your ego. Females are not always right. Men are not always right. Noone is always right. If these magazines are saying females are always right and their men should always listen to them, they are setting you up for a complete break down in communication. How? Because as soon as you get it in your head that "I am always right," then that means you shut down when your man tries to say something. You see how horrible that is? And, you wonder why your relationships are rocky at best.
Finally, these womens' magazines try to get across that if some random guy invites you to dinner, that obviously there is something wrong with him and he needs to be sued, and the company he works for needs to be sued. The gender harassment craze has gotten so far out of hand that it is destroying large segments of the populations. Groups of women are living completely single and wonder why, yet should any man approach them, they look for the gender harassment umbrella. The UPS guy asks them out to dinner - law suit. The pizza delivery guy asks them out on a movie - law suit. The mail-room clerk asks them for their number - law suit. They look up 20 years later, surrounded by cats and wonder why. gender harassment was intended to protect men / women from some ongoing pervert inside the workplace that holds their career in the palm of their hand. While your boss asking you out to dinner, one time, might be unethical, it is not gender harassment. Sometimes people meet people they are attracted to and want to see if it is going to go somewhere. You never know who might be the man of your dreams if you open yourself up to possibilities. Sometimes the most unlikely sources are the best choices. While everyone laughs at the mail-room clerk for hitting on the vice president, how chagrined are they when he gets a three million dollar inheritance from his dead uncle? Or, the UPS truck driver that actually owns 20 routes and works one himself, making half a million a year?
These are just examples of how we take national media and let them define our reality, specifically relationship reality. You should always hear stories from magazines, movies and t.v. as only applying to those particular people. You should repeat to yourself, "that does not apply to me." Even if your mother is trying to give you sage womanly advice and she went through problems, "that does not apply to me." One person's heartaches and mishaps does not mean that everyone is going to have heartache and mishaps in their relationships.
I know of so many women that are man-haters. When I hear their story, it dawns on me that they are man-haters because they were and are immature and did not understand that the trivial problem they had with one man, does not apply to all men. Even that one man, normally, did not do something to them, to deserve full on hate. More than likely, they were listening to another man-hater or saw a stupid movie or read a stupid magazine telling them that if a man does 'XYZ' that he deserves hatred.
I met a lovely Black girl, long ago, that I wanted to date. She stopped me one day and told me that she does not like Black men. When I asked why, she said because her uncle had molested her. I was speechless. I still am. I can only guess that it was just an excuse to hate all Black men. Noone gets something done to them by someone and then equates everyone with some aspect of that one person as evidence that they are all completely like that person. It would be like saying, all men with mustaches are Hitler. As I think about it, I bet my computer that that Black girl had some ridiculous mother or aunt tell her that all Black men are just like her perverted uncle and all deserve to be hated. But, as sure as I sit here typing this, I know thousands upon thousands of women have similar messed up stories like that and are so messed up that they write off whole segments of the population due to something someone told them, i.e. movies, magazines and t.v.
Burning a bridge was originally something that an army would do so that the enemy could not possibly get to you. Don't confuse this with the army action of destroying a bridge, which simply means you come to a bridge destroy it, so that supplies can't get to your enemy. Specifically burning a bridge meant that you cut off all avenues of someone else getting to you. They turned this military action into a figurative, relationship action later on by ascribing someone's bad behavior with burning bridges. In essence, if you make it so that you will be so unwelcome around another person or group of people, you are figuratively burning the bridge of the relationship.
I notice that Black people, and I only care about Black people ... other races my do it, I could care less, burn their bridges all over the place. It seems to be an act of desperation and a complete lack of wisdom and maturity.
Imagine for a second that you hate a low paying job, that takes up all of your time, to such a degree that you cannot even go and find a higher paying job. Instead of you quietly putting in a nice MONTH'S notice, and quitting, you get SO frustrated that you get mad one day and in a complete rage, blow up at a customer or boss and storm out saying how you quit, or get fired on the spot.
The problem with the scenario is that you are not in control. The whole rage, drama, cursing someone out is you losing all control and letting someone else control you and your emotions. When you rage-quit you are putting your life and finances into someone else's hands. You are literally saying, some random person, whom you don't even know, is so important that you are giving control over to them.
How Not to Burn Your Bridges
In a Personal Relationship: Instead of you blowing up at your boyfriend/girlfriend, take control of the relationship and ask for a time-out from the relationship. This isn't a carte blanche to go and sleep with the neighbors, this is a brief respite to take a breather and search yourself, to see if the person you're with is a positive or negative in your life. If they cannot give you a time-out period, then clearly that person isn't the one for you, to begin with.
Someone that truly loved you, would not cling so tightly to you that they cannot loosen their grip to let you breathe. The mature suitor [yes i still believe people date to seek out a potential wife/husband, not just screw around] would let you have some space to determine if you are ready for him/her. It might also give them a chance to notice that you're too fat / bald / skinny / bad breath / broke / cheap / annoying for them too.
So if you ask to take a break from someone, you take control of your life and your relationship. You cannot just live for other people, who may or may not be a very bad influence on you. Also with an avenue out it will save you from an abusive relationship.
Furthermore if you ask for a break and the person then proceeds to act like a mad banshee, stalking you can acting super jealous, then you know that is not the one for you. You do not want to be around someone that loses control and is unsure of their own relationship status that they have to resort to checking up on you. Nor, do you want to be acting jealous because you asked for a time-out and cannot cope with being away from the person. The time-out is for you. To pull yourself together and take stock of what is going on in your life and your relationship.
Finally, if you ask for a time-out and the other person starts sleeping around, then you know for sure that, he / she is not the one for you. The time-out is simply a break for being around each other all the time. It is not an end of the relationship. Make sure both parties understand clearly that the relationship is not over. If you or your suitor cannot understand what a time-out is, then perhaps you or they need to do a little bit of growing to figure out what adults do in relationships. I would prefer you not sleep with your suitor, but that's just me. And, if your suitor insists that you need to sleep with them to have a relationship [cuz all the cool kids do it] then you know that's not the one for you. There is a right way and wrong way to do a relationship.
In a Job Relationship: Instead of you going off on a customer or boss, take control of your life and finances and hand in a resignation with a month's notice. 2 weeks is not enough to find a replacement for you, and a kindly worded letter that is purely professional, i.e. not a letter talking about how you feel bad about Suzy stealing your lunch every day or how Brenda's breath smells or how you have a hard time finding a baby sitter for the random night shifts you have to pull.
Do not include personal drama in your letter. Make sure you say only great things about the company and be extremely vague about why you need to leave. Get it?
praise the company
be vague about why you're leaving
work quietly before you hand in your resignation, during the resignation period and up to the day you leave
By doing this, you take control of the situation. That very same job you so hate, might have to be there if your circumstances change.
Now notice I did not say, "don't quit your job without finding another job." Why didn't I say that? Seems logical and the best possible policy for your financial safety. I didn't say that for one reason? Experience! I have had no end of low end, entry level jobs that take up all of your time and don't allow you to even get dressed and go look for a better job that pays twice as much, has benefits and room for tremendous growth. You cannot have only Sunday's off and be expected to find a job, carry out interviews and land the job.
I will say this. When you realize that you hate your job, don't immediately put in your month's notice. No no no! You reduce all your expenses, and yes you got expenses you don't need, cuz that's how all Americans are right now, buying crap they cannot afford and thinking they'll worry about paying it later. Cut that crap out. Reduce all your expenses except necessary bills:
food [cook your own food, don't eat at McDonalds, it's not only unhealthy, but it's expensive now. if you're too lazy to cook your own food, then you probably aren't even reading all the way down here in the article to begin with.]
power [gotta have a/c and heat]
internet [yes it is now necessary] NOT CABLE T.V. [don't be a pussy and say you gotta have cable t.v.]
cell phone [yeah they got us on cell phones finally, but I say get the cheapest plan possible and use it only for job contacts, you don't give it out to friends who wanna talk about "girl you will not guess who I saw Suzy kissin on at the mall today, and Ronny at home with the baby"] You need a mobile phone to get employers to call you.
transportation [your best bet is to actually buy the oldest, cheapest, 2nd hand car you can find. the bus is a terrible idea as a method of transportation. if you ever need to be somewhere in 30 minutes, relying on city transport of any kind is just not a viable means of transportation. HOWEVER, be careful when driving, cops are out to get money out of you, any chance they get. You can use the bus to do stuff like go to the movies or go see a friend across town. I would seriously limit your time in your own car. It is far more economic to use the bus for personal trips, than it is to use your car for everything. Limit car use to job and shopping, when you need the space to carry groceries.]
So instead of you just getting mad at your job and throwing in the towel, even if it's a nicely worded resignation, first save enough money to take care of ALL your expenses for 3 months, while you look for a job. This way if you don't find a job right away, you don't have to panic about it. Or, if you're the type that cannot control yourself if you have $5,000 in the bank, go ahead and prepay your bills for 3 months. Trust me the power company and cell phone company will NOT give you back your money telling you, you over-payed. LOL!
This way, you are in control of your finances and your life. Burning bridges is a bad thing. We have to be twice as good as the next guy and wiser than our boss. I won't go into my whole speech about Black people only getting jobs and not owning their own business right now.
[ this series is a joke series, taken from a first person perspective of a devil giving love advice from would be male suitors to women. No offense is intended and the jokes are all in good fun. Have fun reading. ] Hello boys. Yes, I call you boys because I have been watching you and your clumsy attempts to win over females are both shameful and infantile. I am the devil, small D, little V. You don't know the origins of the name devil and I won't go into detail, or your tiny heads might explode. I'm going to tell you how to date like a devil. If you can imagine, a devil can get, literally, anyone [ yes male or female, since we don't actually have gender organs of our own] we want. [ for purposes of these lessons we are going to assume I am a "male" devil and leave it at that] Unlike most of you, devils always present their best face. That means were are good looking creatures. Hello! Devilishly good looking, devilish looks, devilishly handsome, you get the picture? Right, you however are dealing with the cards God gave you and the thing you pass off as a face isn't so fortunate. That aside, my techniques will land you any woman you want, regardless of your unfortunate face.
Our first lesson here deal with a power we devils like to call love. For us it is a power, but quite frankly you don't need supernatural powers to actually practice it. It helps, in extreme cases, but why go through that hassle? love is the ability to get a female to do exactly what you want. Outside of the actual "magical" power of love itself, you should get it into your thick brain that no female will ever do anything against her nature, i.e. jump off a cliff. And, if you're the sort that wishes females would jump off cliffs, this series can't help you at all. So are we clear on that point? love is not intended to nefarious gains. It's funny a devil has to warn you against your nefarious ways, but... there you have it.
Black people, we need to call a truce. On one side we have Black women mad. On the other side we have Black men completely leaving Black women alone. And, what's the end result? The steady decline of the Black home. Why? Because there's not gonna be a Black home. I've written about divorce rates being low in the Black community, but the marriage rate being low. I've written about welfare being low in the Black community. I've written about unemployment being low overall in the black community, yet Blacks being overly represented amongst those unemployed. The Black community is under siege and we need to stop this bickering. At the heart of this bickering is the Black relationship.
This is my wish list for Black relationships. I'm writing this just off the top of my head and from my heart. I'm going to try to understand every side of the coin... or rubix cube really, because, contrary to popular belief, we Black people are as diverse as white people.
So I'm having a conversation with an 18 year old... uh, man? And, he keeps going away to pour himself a drink. Finally, I ask does he have a girl friend. Then I correct myself, and tell him he doesn't have a girl friend and it was ridiculous for me to even ask. He asks how I knew he didn't have a girl friend. I inform him that since he is drinking so much, it shows that his mind is wandering and is not centered on anything, therefore no girl friend. Then I tell him he needs to get a girl friend. He responds, "yeah, there's this one girl i been trying to get with."
Let me stop right there. I'm talking to this guy about his mind wandering and that he needs a girl friend and that is his response. There is a complete disconnect just in the English we were both using. Obviously, I am on the path talking about mental and psychological things and he switches to the physical. When I tried to correct him and say "no I meant you need a girl friend." He corrects me saying that's what he said.
Ah! The light goes on in my head. To this 18 year old guy he equates girl friend with tricking some girl into having gender with him.
Is there really such a huge disconnect in our society today? I'll put aside the complete lack of understanding the English language for this article and concentrate just on the thought process. I often have conversations with my family about people around us: women wearing overly revealing clothing; women disrespecting themselves, in an effort to get a man, then don't understand why they are never in a real relationship.
Further into the conversation I stop the guy and ask him what he thought of a woman in a mini-skirt vs one that was dressed in blouse and modest skirt. When presented with the scenario, he changed into a completely different person. He said he would never go after the girl in the mini-skirt, because he would assume she was dumb and didn't care about her appearance. He went on to say that the girl that took care of her appearance would probably be smart and that is a girl he would want to date. To add insult to injury, he said the girl in the mini-skirt probably is dumb, illiterate [not well read], and wouldn't notice her surroundings. He gave the scenario that the dumb girl wouldn't ask questions like, "why are we doing this." He also said that he is surrounded by "gender " at his high school and "they are gross."
So either he was just trying to be cool with me before and thought that I wanted him to talk about having gender with girls, or he wants to just taint nice girls, and that's his idea of a relationship.
Is this what young men think about women these days? Do young women know this is how young men see them? Do young women understand that the message they are putting out is a negative one and not a positive one?
I saw a clip of a comedian once, can't remember who exactly. In the clip he was talking about the girls in the club who rubbed all up on his body with their various body parts while dancing. Then feign shock when the night is over and the guy expects them to go home with them. He said the girl said "why are you treating me like a gender . I am not a gender ." And, he said he responded, "you were acting like a gender in the club. I am sorry I mistook you for a gender ." He said she responded, "I was just dancing." And, he responded, "yes, just like a gender ."
While the comedian was just being funny, he was pointing out a real situation. Some women might try and come to the defense of such a woman, but then again these very women have never been a man who have had their private parts rubbed upon for 4 hours by the breasts, butt and hands of a gender "acting" woman. If you want to defend the women, first go to a club and ask one of these women to rub on your private areas for the evening and then come out and say how good clean and wholesome they are... Oh, does that sound silly? No no, if you're going to defend someone, you must first know what you are defending. We're not talking about a rape scenario, nor a forcing someone to do anything. We are talking about a man being treated in such a manner as above, then when the evening is over requesting the woman go to his house to do what seems apparent to all.
I have had situations like that. I'm at a club and some girl sees me from across the room. She comes up to me and assumes I want to dance with her. She then proceeds to try to grind on me. My responses has always been to push her away from me and remove myself from the dance floor. I am more than that. And, she should feel she's more than that. If I wanted to be with a gender , I'd go be with a gender . gender is legal here anyway. :)
Oprah Winfrey said it on her show, so obviously she and her staff have seen the same research I have: 70% of Black women are single. This has to be devastating news. And, before you ask about other races, I don't know. And, not to be blunt, I don't care, for the purpose of this article. I wrote an article, that seems to be quite popular: Top Ten Reasons Black Men Won't Date / Marry a Black Woman. Invariable the feedback goes along the same lines as the reasons the Black men gave in the national study on the subject: Black women's pride pushes everyone away, including Black men.
There is a lot of hatespeech, being put forth by women these days, started mainly by white women. Black women and the media have picked up this mantra. The notion is that they were so downtrodden, by men that they had to start a movement. The original version was women's suffrage. Don't get me wrong, women's suffrage is a great thing, however the movement was hijacked by nefarious individuals who had a much broader, yet hidden agenda that had nothing to do with the political and financial equality of women.
The intended audience are only African Americans. If you are not the intended audience and you find what I say in here offensive, this is your opportunity, right now, to leave. No one is forcing you to read this, and I do not expect any disrespect due to you being insulted.
In this article I'm going to discuss the problems that present themselves within Black relationships. I will not mince words. I repeat, I will not hold back as to the facts, numbers and what my research so far has shown to be the problems affecting Black men and women today, in America. If you are hurt by anything said in here, I say take it to heart and look inside yourself to see if there's actually something about you, that needs to change. Because, something definitely needs to change.
Let's get some number out of the way right now.
1. 70% of black women are obese
2. the Black female is the most single person in America
3. 70% of black people are single, unmarried, without children
Ok I presented those brief numbers so everyone is on the same page.
In my previous article Top 10 Reasons Black Men Won't Date / Marry a Black Woman I listed 10 reasons black men have vocalized they will not date nor marry black women. The argument against the relationship seems, to me, to be one sided.
Black women have adopted causes that were not intended for them at all.
Women's Liberation
The single most divisive issue amongst Black men and women is the women's liberation movement. Black women flocked to this movement thinking it was intended for them. Their white counterparts invited them to join the movement thinking that the Black woman suffered the same inequalities that the white woman suffered. However, the Black man never treated the Black woman anywhere near the horrible way the white man treated his woman. The Black man saw the Black woman as an equal partner in the Black struggle from the beginning, that the first African slave landed on this continent. It is the Black woman who left the Black man by joining the women's lib movement. Mind you the movement has taken a very nasty turn, having been taken over by lesbianism. It is now something completely unwholesome to the furthering of a Black relationship. Heck it's completely unwholesome to the furthering of any relationship.
Please do not mistake the equal pay issue with women's liberation. The two are completely separate.
Black women did not need liberating from their black men. Black women from the beginning, due to the slave master dividing and conquering the slaves and breaking up families from the very beginning, had to raise the children, fathered by white slave owners, to the chagrin of their white wives. Imagine this going on, and Black men still took these Black women into their homes and made them their wives even after being raped by the white slave owners.
It's pretty much a slap in the face to then turn around and point the finger at Black men and say they are at fault for some reason. Black men have always accepted Black women, up until now.
The Inherent Problems with Black Women
The single most largest problem Black men have with Black women is: they are masculine. I know that sounds just ... wrong, but, that's what they, Black men, are saying. And, I totally agree.
"Why can't a man be a man?"
This is the tired mantra sisters put forth to try and switch the argument around. The reality is, the Black woman is masculine: acts like a dude. It is the worst characteristic a woman, who's in the prospect of some day getting married can have.
Black women are masculine:
the want to run the relationship
they want to be independent of the Black man
they want to boss the Black man
they talk over the Black man
White women's liberation never had these problems. White women's liberation was about political and financial equality. You see how the cause was never intended for you? Like idiots you took the movement way too far. And, because of it, you act like a man. What's worse, you then turn around and say why can't the man be more manly. You stole his pants, what more do you want?. Did you want to be single? If you don't want to be single, stop acting like a man. No man wants to date another man. Let me repeat, no real man wants to date another man or anything manly or anything masculine.
If You're not a Part of Us Then You're the Enemy
How did Black women fall so far off the wagon that they have turned on the Black man? What did the white woman say to convince you that the Black man wasn't being put down by the white man enough, that you need to beat him up too?
It is amazing that the Black woman has been right next to the Black man at the very instant they landed here, both as free men and as slaves. She has witnessed and suffered through the same atrocities that the Black man has gone through. Yet, now she acts as if all of that was a fantasy and the Black man isn't being put down, incarcerated, demonized, stereotyped on a daily basis. Today's Black woman acts totally against the Black man.
It's a sad situation indeed. Divide and conquer. Stop being weak minded. It's like in the Star Wars movies, where you'll see an in-your-face example of the weak minded, when the Jedi plays his mind tricks on people.
The solution
It's so simple, I'm sure you know what I'm going to say. Act like a lady. Go look up the definition if you're unfamiliar with it.
Stop dating worthless scrubs who are going nowhere. Very often Black women will date, or meet Black men who are on a "road to nowhere". Not only that, but they line up and take turns dating the chump. In the mean time, the Black man that's in college is being hounded by latinas, white women and any other woman with some sense. And, the Black woman looks up and he's a doctor with a White wife. What did you expect? I'm sure you've heard the saying "drop that zero and get with this hero". Stop dating trash. While you were busy dating trash for 10 years, the white woman has scooped up the best and the brightest.
"I love me a thug"
A zero you mean? Is that what I heard you say? Let me peep you to some knowledge. 99% of rap music is written by white men, with the intent to denegrate the Black race, objectify Black women, and elevate the worst in society. 85% of Black men have jobs and a home. The median Black household income is $30k a year. That means there's a whole lot of single brothers pulling in $30k a year and have their own home, while you're dating jobless zeros who live on people's couches. These stupid songs Beyonce sings, are not the reality of the black race. These ridiculous songs Lil Wayne sings, are not the reality of the Black race. Those are zeros.
"But they got money"
And they end up in jail and the feds confiscate all of their money and houses. Zeros!
Wear a dress. Be a lady. Stop dating zeros.
Asian women work just as much as Asian men. They have a 85% marriage rate. They have a median household income of $60k a year. Black women need to learn something from their Asian sisters. Oh and Asian women never joined the women's lib movement. They were aware that they were a minority and were very happy with their Asian husbands.
My hope is the the Black woman will read this article, become introspective and realize she is pushing away the very person she wants to be with, the Black man. We need to mend the Black relationship, get married and produce children. We need to realize that we are Black first, in everyone's eyes, then a Black man or a Black woman, and not the other way around. Black women need to love, honor, and obey their Black men. Black women need to nurture their Black men. If a Black man comes home, realize that the white man has beat him down all day long. You, of all people, should be the last person to try and emasculate him. The Black woman needs to mend and heal her Black man, stand next to him and be the lady he wants you to be.
So many Black women are alone. The Black American woman is the single most, unpartnered person on the planet. [this is not unwed mothers, this is single women] Is there a rift between black women and black men? At first blush you would think that there would be no reason why a black man would not want to date a black woman. But, as in business, since we are in modern times and for the most part black people are not considered 2nd class citizens any more, the dating pool for black men is wide open. Black women now have to compete with all races to date black men. It might seem strange to the average reader that I would couch those words in that way, i.e. women competing for a man. However, that is exactly how the gender work. It is not the man that primps and preens himself, it is the woman. The woman primps and preens herself to attract the best possible man, not the other way around. If I were concerned about people's feelings, I'd try to beat around the bush, but seriously, there's a multi-billion dollar beauty industry. Do you really want me to kid around with you?
[UPDATE: I am taking applications for dating, Dark Black educated women to the front of the line, the rest, I'll get to you, if I don't find my love at first site first. ] [yes I got jokes]
"He grabbed her by the waist, his strong hands pressing her body against his. He gently kissed her lips, slowly, gently at first, then with more passion with each passing second. Unbridled passion welled up inside her and...."
Do women still read this? Is this what women really want? Why do I ask? Oh, because that's not what I hear on t.v.. That's not what i see in magazines. I don't see passion and burning desire for each other. There's no perfect man for a perfect woman portrayed in the media. Let's see what the magazines would have you think women want.
"He sat meekly in the corner of the bar, adjusting the glasses that kept sliding down his nose. He wore a tacky jacket with plaid pants and smelled of garlic. He had a cute nerdy appeal to him though. She saddled next to him and nodded toward him. He blushed but didn't say anything. She took him home, bathed him and taught him how to dress and act. He now makes a 6 figure salary and gives her all the shopping money she could hope for."
Oh yes, this is what Cosmo prints weekly. They would have you believe that your man was nothing before you came and you are the one that can change him. You must believe it, because you buy it every week.
But wait, that's for the 30 something year old. What about the teen to 20 something year old? Oh here we go, the MTV crowd.
"He walked through the door, his Mexican mustache looking like a raccoon had a fight with a gerbil. His tattoos looked like oil stains and he smelled of patchouli and cheep must. She saddled up next to him and said they should go to the free concert together. He nodded. Three months later she was on teen pregnant show. Two years later she was famous for doing absolutely nothing."
If you think I'm being harsh, then you haven't watched MTV for 2 seconds. I've seen stuff on there that would make Ron Jeremy blush. You may want to discount that as just entertainment, but young adults see it and think it's OK, because it's on national t.v..
What do I think women really want?
Here's my scenario of what I think, a sane woman should want.
"She walked into the lounge wearing a pink chiffon dress with a slight train to it. A tall chiseled Black man asked to take her stole. She gave it to him and he smiled. 'I'm sorry we have no more empty tables available, but If you like you can sit with Alexander Washington. I hear he's a bachelor.' She looked at him amused. Alexander Washington, Atlanta's most eligible bachelor. She was seated in no time. At first he fidgeted across from her and kept checking his watch. She struck up small talk with him and he became engrossed in her conversation. He left her his card, and she gave him her number. He called 2 days later. They've been happily married now for 10 years with 3 beautiful kids."
What's the difference? No one is promiscuous; there are no escapades; there's no lack of education; obviously he's interested in her for her; there's no changing him and visa versa. While the media tries to get you to buy into the whole notion that normal is boring, you're steadily looking for Mr. Wrong. Mister Wrong is oh so very wrong. And he or she, will lead you down a path of destruction that you'll wake up from one day and realize that you have no escape routes.
I say don't buy Cosmo, unless you're doing a collage from the pictures. I say don't watch MTV because surely, as the old grandpa says, it will rot your brain.
You want a good man? Find a good man. And, if you don't find a good man for you, don't belittle him. Because, the man that might not be good for you, might be good for some other woman. And, now you ruined it for her, because you crushed his ego. Also, it might be the case that you found the good man, but the problem is with you not recognizing it. Clean yourself up first, then go look for the good man.
And, from my favorite line delivered by the Oracle in The Matrix, "you'll be right as rain". I'm sad she died, but I love that line.
