Saturday, December 19, 2009

Black Women are the Problem with Black Men

Black Women Single

Oprah Winfrey said it on her show, so obviously she and her staff have seen the same research I have: 70% of Black women are single. This has to be devastating news. And, before you ask about other races, I don't know. And, not to be blunt, I don't care, for the purpose of this article. I wrote an article, that seems to be quite popular: Top Ten Reasons Black Men Won't Date / Marry a Black Woman. Invariable the feedback goes along the same lines as the reasons the Black men gave in the national study on the subject: Black women's pride pushes everyone away, including Black men.

I have concluded, in my wise mind, that it is pride which is destroying the Black woman. At the end of the day, she is alone because she is too proud to be with anyone. Invariably I hear every Black woman, that I know of, speak of other races "I would never date a [ ]". And, when speaking of Black women, they take it for granted that they would date and marry a Black man, however in the same breath they reject, put-down, emasculate and push away Black men. It is all pride. They are so wrapped up in this lesbian movement, women's lib, that they forgot to stop and see that they are now alone. They got so caught up in this movement that they forgot that being strong is a man's arena. Strong and woman does not go together.

"I am a strong Black woman"
"Come on ladies let's all be strong"
"All women are independent"
"The modern woman is strong"
The very word "lady" rejects the word "strong" by definition. Apparently Black women don't know the definition of the word "lady". Just so everyone is crystal clear on the subject, here is the definition of Lady.

  • A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior.
  • a : a woman of superior social position b : a woman of refinement and gentle manners c : woman, female —often used in a courteous reference or usually in the plural in address
  • A woman regarded as proper and virtuous.
  • A well-behaved young girl.
  • A woman who is the head of a household.
  • A woman, especially when spoken of or to in a polite way.
  • 6. Lady [Chiefly British] A general feminine title of nobility and other rank, specifically:
  • a. Used as the title for the wife or widow of a knight or baronet.
  • b. Used as a form of address for a marchioness, countess, viscountess, baroness, or baronetess.
  • c. Used as a form of address for the wife or widow of a baron.
  • d. Used as a courtesy title for the daughter of a duke, a marquis, or an earl.
  • e. Used as a courtesy title for the wife of a younger son of a duke or marquis.
  • 7. Lady The Virgin Mary. Usually used with Our.
As you can see, you cannot be both a lady and strong. A lady brings completely different cards to the table. There may be many of you who read this and reject it, thinking I'm saying that you cannot be a woman and strong. No no, I am not saying that. You can be a woman. You can be strong. But, no strong female is a lady. Normally strong females are considered lesbians in this society. While you may not enjoy all the fruits of being a lesbian brings, acting like a strong woman will send out mixed signals to the opposite gender . While you might not consider yourself a lesbian, people may perceive you as a lesbian. At the end of the day, perception is as good as reality. If you're out wrestling bears and hauling wood, no one is going to take the time to ask if you are or are not a lesbian. They are going to make their assumption and go on to the next woman. Do you get my point?

I assume you want a Black man, if you are a Black lady. As such, you do not need to fight tigers and wrestle alligators. No man is attracted to that. Calling yourself a strong woman does not = being a single mother, having your own job, driving your own car, paying for your own house, nor living your life without a man. That has nothing to do with strength.

You have been given this cool-aid and you drank the whole cup. Being smart about finances and not being a fool about raising a child does not make you strong. You have never heard a man describe himself as strong for doing that. In fact, no man describes himself as independent if the does not live at home with his mother or mooch off of others. He just calls himself alive. There is no special label for a man who lives by himself. But, for some reason, someone came along and patted you on the back and told you, you were special because you are living by yourself. And, you fell for it. Living by yourself simply means you are an "adult". Unless congress had a special session that I haven't heard about, being an adult is nothing special.

So, I hope we are all on the same page now about being a Black lady. If you reject the idea of being a Black lady, then there is really nothing more I can say to you. Enjoy your loneliness. However, if you do not wish to be "strong" and "independent" [an old maid] then we can talk.

The Pride of Black Women

First, get rid of the pride. There is no pride in being a social outcast. Others might try and spare your feelings, but at 70% of Black women being alone and single, I call a social outcast. A few of you might, "I get me some, so I'm not in that pool." Sorry to burst your bubble too, but that does not mean you are not single. Single means you have no intentions, options, prospects of being married. If you are married, you're in the 30%. If you are engaged, you are in the 30%. If you are in a monogamous relationship that you have on good authority, he is going to pop the question, you are in the 30%. Otherwise, you are in the 70%. Dating has never meant you are no longer single. In fact, by strict definition, those who are engaged or already married are the only ones considered not single. So having gender  with lots of men does not make you, not single. Besides, being promiscuous is as empty as you can get in this lifetime. Having someone you can spend your life with, plan your future with, and have children with is where it is at, AS A HUMAN. If your parents did not instill that into and made you see, then let me be the one to tell you. Marriage is not only for everyone, but you are a lost soul without it. My Jewish friend told me that the Jews believe the first commandment from God was in Eden when God said "get married" and "have children". A commandment! It doesn't get much more important than that.

Speaking of commandments, let's look at what some wise sayings have to say about pride. [ I put emphasis on the points I want to make, so if you want to skip the whole thing, just read the red and bold parts. I included the whole chapter so no one would accuse me of putting my own words in]

Proverbs 16

1 To man belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.

2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.

3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

4 The LORD works out everything for his own ends—
even the wicked for a day of disaster.

5 The LORD detests all the proud of heart.
Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.

6 Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the LORD a man avoids evil.

7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

8 Better a little with righteousness
than much gain with injustice.

9 In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.

10 The lips of a king speak as an oracle,
and his mouth should not betray justice.

11 Honest scales and balances are from the LORD;
all the weights in the bag are of his making.

12 Kings detest wrongdoing,
for a throne is established through righteousness.

13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips;
they value a man who speaks the truth.

14 A king's wrath is a messenger of death,
but a wise man will appease it.

15 When a king's face brightens, it means life;
his favor is like a rain cloud in spring.

16 How much better to get wisdom than gold,
to choose understanding rather than silver!

17 The highway of the upright avoids evil;
he who guards his way guards his life.

18 Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.

19 Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed
than to share plunder with the proud.

20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

21 The wise in heart are called discerning,
and pleasant words promote instruction.

22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it,
but folly brings punishment to fools.

23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth,
and his lips promote instruction.

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

25 There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.

26 The laborer's appetite works for him;
his hunger drives him on.

27 A scoundrel plots evil,
and his speech is like a scorching fire.

28 A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends.

29 A violent man entices his neighbor
and leads him down a path that is not good.

30 He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity;
he who purses his lips is bent on evil.

31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor;
it is attained by a righteous life.

32 Better a patient man than a warrior,
a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

33 The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the LORD.
This verse is talking about pride and how to approach people. I emphasized some parts where Black women are failing. I'm not going to repeat the verse, but the parts I emphasized clearly illustrate my point.

Black men are saying Black women push them away. It is as simple as that. At the end of the day, Black men are not saying it's the color of their skin, or their bodies, or their shapes. The Black woman is the one that is destroying the Black relationships.

What You Should Do

I am not saying, go out find you a Black man and date / marry him regardless of his horrible personality. I AM saying get off your high horse, that you got from the dollar swap meet, and

  • build your Black man up instead of tearing him down
  • if he doesn't have a job, help him look for one
  • if he doesn't have a car, help him getting a higher paying job so he can afford one
  • if he doesn't have his own house, help him educate himself and get a better paying job so he can get one
What is ridiculous is, Black women complain about things other races don't even notice. How many T.V. divorces have you seen where the woman is mad as hell and wants the husband to pay for "her sacrificing her career to put him through school."


I cannot even count how many times I have seen that on T.V., read it in a magazine or heard it on the radio. And, the debate is never why would she do that, the debate is how much should she get. What you don't hear, is the millions of other race women that have done that, and stay married and are happier than a dead pig in sunshine.

So Black women think it is a low-lifed man that would need the help of a woman to get ahead in life. Black women think it is beneath them to date a man that doesn't have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of. Black women think you are not a man if you don't have your own car / house / Rolex. So, when she meets such a Black man, she puts him down and berates him.

Do you honestly think that men pop out with good jobs, cars, houses? No man pops out like that, unless he inherets it. And, if you find a man with that, who didn't inheret it, think about, there was a time when he didn't have that.

Most of the richest people on the planet started from nothing. One of the richest men in America, who is now dead, drove a beat up truck, woar plaid shirts and faded, old jeans. Had he been Black, I guarantee Black women would have put him down and rejected him.

This relationship thing is a journey mama, and you gotta decide if you're going to ride or just stand on the side of the road. Apparently, so many sisters have decided to just sit on the side fo the road. The race is going to whither and die.

Remember, I'mma give it to you straight. I'd rather you burn a little now and be baked, than be raw and go through life lonely.

Please visit my legal website: Las Vegas DUI Attorney
See me on YouTube: Shakaama Live


Anonymous said...

Sounds like a bunch of excuses for men not bettering themselves...

And whilst we speak of pride...dont quote the bible telling women not to have any...when men walk around with haughty arrogant behaviors all the time.

Shakaama said...

Anonymous, how is this article related to men at all? The entire focus of the article is the plight of the single Black female. If the Black female does not face facts, we as a "race" are going to disappear.

Black women need to stop being defensive and get with the program. Being lesbian like is not attractive. Being arrogant is not attractive. Being a whore is not, contrary to popular conceptions, attractive.

How many grown, stable, married, women despise what sisters are doing now: sleeping around; having kids out of wedlock. When I mention, to married Black women, any of my articles on Black women, the first thing that comes out of their mouths is "they're all ho's sleepin around and havin babies." One lady said "they give it up before it's even asked for".

Whether that's true or not, that's the perception.

At 70% I don't need to talk to the Black man. I feel if I can get that number down to 30% Black women single, the Black men will take care of the rest. 70% is a HUGE number. No one can just say it's 1 or 2 things. Obviously, the problem lies with Black women. Black men aren't 70% single. And, when I say I want the number to come down, remember I said single = not married. So in my book I want Black women to get married, not be a whore, not be a lesbian, not be "independent".

Anonymous said...

What is the percentage of single black men?? How come no one ever speaks of that...

Are you taking into consideration the % of black women who do not want to be married?? What if they do not want to be there value any less?

You say this article is not about black men...but why not? Are they not a problem in the community as well. A huge problem lies with black males as well... how can you act like it does not... when we have men running around being whores and irresponsible...fathering children out of wedlock, spreading diseases...going to jail... not educating themselves...being arrogant and boastful as well... NONE OF THAT IS ATTRACTIVE...and its detrimental to the black community...

If you want to point fingers...point them at all parties at fault and not just one!

Shakaama said...


Picture this. You had 20 kids in a foster home, and you're the foster parent. 6 of them are boys. 3 boys marry, 1 boy's gay, 1 boy's in jail. All 14 girls sit at home till they're 50.

Who had the more problem?

Admidtedly, some of the boys had problem, but the girls all had problems. I mean, who would you focus on?

You're getting defensive and closing your brain to what's in front of you.

We are under attack. If I could raise every little Black girl in this country, I'd raise her to save herself till marriage, seek out a man to take care of her, treat him with respect, honor and admiration, help him through hard times, not leave him because he spilled milk on the table.

The Black woman is in a dire situation. We could lose the Black population in 30 years, if this keeps up. The Black woman is in a critical condition, the Black man is not.

I have two cousins, sisters, I just want to shake until they wakes up. Both have babies, one is 14, the other one 18. They are more concerned with wearing tight jeans than getting their life straight. In my family this is unheard of. I refuse to believe they are kin to me. But this is the story all over now. I see it everywhere.

A 14 year old girl having a baby is not a Black man problem. A 14 year old baby's momma never getting married, is not a Black man problem. A 14 year old girl having sex, is not a Black man problem. It is a 14 year old Black woman problem.

She's now, used goods, with baggage, mentally incompatible with the rest of society. At 14, having a child is not what a 14 year old normally goes through and the experience alone does not allow her to develop from 14 to 21 into a well adjusted woman. Of course by definition she wasn't well adjusted to begin with if she having sex at 14. And, this excuse that kids are having sex earlier and earlier is hogwash and just and excuse. Being a whore earlier and earlier is nothing to boast about.

If Black women would "do the right thing", no if they did the ADULT thing and close their legs and their mouth and act like ladies, I wouldn't need to point the finger at Black men, because the issue would be over.

Where would we be if Black women:
1. were dainty, lady-like creatures
2. stood by their man
3. demanded marriage as the end result of dating and not to just have a booty call
4. stop shacking up
5. closed their legs

This entire issue would be over. I am not attacking Black women, but the situation is critical. Black women have the power to stop it.

Anonymous said...

I never knew what it was to fight with a woman until I started dating black women. When I got married to a black woman I had a house, two cars, a great job, and thousands in the bank. I lost everything during my marriage thanks to her. Now I'm with a white girlfriend and I'm getting everything back and then some. I'm also happy and don't have to fight everyday.

Anonymous said...

This article is completely wrong.
It says that black women aren't ladies but the truth is that in this day and age there are no ladies in US anymore.In the 21th century all the women work and have a job,they aren't all good at doing chores,they are not dainty.
The problem is that all black women want to marry black men but all black men want to marry white women.Whenever a black guy marry a black woman it's always a light skinned one.You know where I am going right ?

Naturali135 said...

"A 14 year old girl having a baby is not a Black man problem. A 14 year old baby's momma never getting married, is not a Black man problem. A 14 year old girl having sex, is not a Black man problem. It is a 14 year old Black woman problem."

I beg to differ it is NOT only that Black woman's problem it is our problem as a Black society, so, that includes the 14 or 24 y/o Black male that impregnated her and left her to fend for self and to raise THEIR child solo. It was indeed poor choices on her part, but, where were the strong Black men in her life when she was growing up and needed that guidance and first love that only a girl can get from her daddy(be he her biological father, grandfather, uncle, clergyman..etc) ?

Anonymous said...

There was a time when although blacks were poorer and had limited oppertunities, they were considered the most respectable group of people in the United states, even by the whites who hated them. The civil rights area was just the next logical step, and we greatly benefitted from it by gaining rights that we should have had from the start, but in the process we began to lose ourselves and our strict code of self-respect and honor. The problem is when other groups started including themeselves in the civil right struggle, namely the lesbians/womens liberation movement. This gave black women a very false idea that they did not need men. This happened at the same interval in time when businesses were being forced to hire african americans, and subsequently hired black women because of fear of the black man. Now you have a black woman being told repeatedly that she doesnt need a black man, that she is above him, and that the money that she makes proves this. The honest truth is that a women (of any race) is more apt to accept this idea because it makes her feel good about herself, even if its clearly false. Consequently, she begins to act in a way that makes no man want her. Think about a very weak person who acts like he is strong and says hardcore things, and behaves in an unnecessarily harsh way around a person who really IS that way. The real "hardcore person" will be disgusted by the very presence of the fake one and will go out of his way to keep the fake one at a distance from him. This is whats going on in the black community. The confused black women dont realize that their strength is in their femininity. Think of Delilah trying to conquer Sampson by fistfighting with him. She loses everytime. Its only when Delilah is her own feminine self that she conqeurs her man. Black women (the weaker of the two)are trying very hard to act like a man (the stronger of the two), and it turns the black man completely off because it just looks silly. He then keeps her at a distance and marginalizes her in his life. This part of the comment is directed to the black woman:
I am a black man who is well educated, handsome, wealthy, exciting, funny, and generally happy in life. I am a good man, and I am what most black women would call a "catch". Take it from the person who you are working so hard to get, WE DONT WANT A WOMAN WHO ACTS LIKE A MAN. IF WE DID, WE WOULD JUST BE HOMOSEXUAL AND HAVE THE REAL THING. If you are serious about having the man you want, you will become the type of person he desires. Trust me, the men that you want do know that you exist. We just make ourselves unavailable to those who dont match what we desire. Its not hard to tell who you are by your walk, your talk, your ideas, your children, your family, your dress, your morals, and generally the way you carry yourself. We can usually tell in less than a minute. And trust me, as a black man, I do understand that the pressures in society are heavy and weigh a lot, and it takes a strong person to deal with it. But the fact is when you sacrifice your feminiity in order to deal with society, you just traded the man you want for the "whatever" in society your trying to get. Yes, its unfair, but so is institutional racism. Here is a gift, take it or leave it: We desire a femenine kind of woman who takes pride in sacrificing herself for the slightest desire of her man. A woman who will let nothing, not even herself, cause a problem in her family. And a woman who is not amused by the lesbian/feminist movement or any individual or group of people trying to manipulate her mind and shape her actions to advance their own agenda. If you are that person (and I mean deep down), then glad tidings are for you because you will inevitably have what you desire. If your not that person, and do not have the ability to become that person, its ok because you are who you are. But we just dont want you.

Post a Comment