Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Black Men Won't Date / Marry a Black Woman

Black Women the Most Alone




I Look Just Like This Guy
So many Black women are alone. The Black American woman is the single most, unpartnered person on the planet. [this is not unwed mothers, this is single women] Is there a rift between black women and black men? At first blush you would think that there would be no reason why a black man would not want to date a black woman. But, as in business, since we are in modern times and for the most part black people are not considered 2nd class citizens any more, the dating pool for black men is wide open. Black women now have to compete with all races to date black men. It might seem strange to the average reader that I would couch those words in that way, i.e. women competing for a man. However, that is exactly how the sexes work. It is not the man that primps and preens himself, it is the woman. The woman primps and preens herself to attract the best possible man, not the other way around. If I were concerned about people's feelings, I'd try to beat around the bush, but seriously, there's a multi-billion dollar beauty industry. Do you really want me to kid around with you?

[UPDATE: I am taking applications for dating, Dark Black educated women to the front of the line, the rest, I'll get to you, if I don't find my love at first site first. ] [yes I got jokes]



No human on the planet has been more sexually objectified than the black man. He has been regarded as the essence of sex by most races. When tiny Europeans encountered the large Africans, they were at a loss when they saw their private parts. Many diaries and documentation either praised or demonized the black man's privates. However, be they god or demon, they instantly became an object of desire. Fast forward some 1,000 years to the present and we now have the freedom for all the races to partake of the black man, at their leisure. It is this open season for Black men, that Black women have to compete with.



Instead of realizing what is going on, the black woman erroneously thinks she has cornered the market on black men and can thus act any way she wants.

photo by mayaguezphoto.com
In fairness modern society has not helped out the relationship situation at all. With modern financial times as they are, the black woman, as well as other races, has had to put on her pants suit, and throw away the dress, just to make ends meet.

Also there is a complete lack of understanding on the black woman's part, as to the struggle of the black man. Now you would think, of all the people on the planet that should understand a black man, it would be a black woman. Not so! In fact there is a complete anti-compasionnate mindset that black women develop, when it comes to black men. In essence they shoot themselves in the foot, for no apparent reason.

More often than not, other females, from other races understand the plight of the black man, and are compassionate towards him, more so than the Black women. Understand that other races are accustomed to nurturing, mentoring and guiding their own men as well.  With that sort of mindset, Black women have absolutely no grounds to even claim a Black man. In essence, in this situation, black women have nothing to offer black men. And, black men won't tolerate it. There has been a complete paradigm shift with the relation attitude of black women, towards black men, and visa versa. But, it has been to the detriment of the black woman.

Top 10 Reasons Black Men Won't Date or Marry a Black Woman

  1. 1. black women make black men feel under-appreciated, unwarranted, irresponsible, and regressive. Black women tend to emasculate Black men. - Black women answer this by saying they have to be strong and can't help emasculating her Black man.
  2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in the waiting on the pursuit of Black men.
  3. Black women are strong headed, too independent, present great challenges in relationships.
  4. Black women are masculine, in that they are controlling, and like to run the relationship,
  5. Black women expect too much, they are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar worker,
  6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes,
  7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age, [around 40]
  8. Black women are not sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex
  9. Black women's tolerance is far too low, they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America
  10. Black women do not cater to their man

To understand this list, you have understand something first. That is, the historical relationship white men have had with Black women. I'm sure noone wants me to talk about that. To hide this relationship and lust for Black women, white men have come up with some very crude caricatures of Black women, so as to appease or cloud the judgment of white women.

If you now compare the list with the stereotypes, you can clearly see, that black women have themselves fallen victim to the caricatures hoisted on them and have thus shunned, driven off or scared off black men.

Historical Stereotypes of the Black Woman


The mammy
A) Mammy - this is the middle aged, fat, skinning and grinning, loves to take care of the white kids, asexual, nannyish, disregarded black woman. This image was developed and cultivated to cloud the judgment of white women into thinking that black women were wholey unattractive. Remember this image was cultivated during slavery. For the most part Black slaves didn't live that long. Secondly, they worked all day and every one of them had shapely muscular bodies, men and women. I'm sure many of you remember the scene in roots where the slave owner goes down to the slave quarters and has his way with the vivacious slave girl. This mammy image was cultivated so that when a white woman thought of a female slave, the image came to mind, making her feel safe, since no one would want to be with a mammy.

A lot of mature black women see themselves in this light and dress accordingly. They lose all sense of self, and think that since they are over 30, they no longer need to primp and preen to attract a man. And, it works, no man is attracted to them, and it feeds into their self-deprecation.

No one wants to date a mammy. She is of no sexual attractiveness whatsoever. And this stereotype doesn't have be measured in terms of age. Picture this, a Black "girl", 20 something year old, with long fake hair, long fake nails and dresses sloppy and doesn't take care of her figure. This is the mammy figure, only in a modern, younger version of it. However, you can't tell the black girl she is unattractive to Black men, because she won't accept, nor believe it.

The Jezebel
B)Jezebel - this is the hypersexual Black woman image that lusts after white men. They are portrayed as a man stealer. They are also portrayed as slutty, unwomanly, unlady-like and complete tramps, nothing a real man would want to date, nor marry. Perhaps this image was developed for white women to fear black women, not as a direct threat, someone beneath the white woman, someone she can scorn with abandon. The Jezebel stereotype depicted black women as seductive temptresses with an animal-like appetite for sex. The Jezebel trope depicts black women as seductive temptresses with an
insatiable and animalistic appetite for sex. Beguiling, voluptuous, lewd and lustful; the
Jezebel’s greatest wish is to be ****ed to death. During slavery the Jezebel image served
several functions for oppressors. However, it was primarily used to justify the sexual
exploitation of Black women. Because the Jezebel maintains a ravenous desire for sex;
forced sex between master and slave was not viewed with disdain (by the oppressive
class). The notion that Jezebels were immoral and desired sex, in general, and with white
men specifically, served to justify the rape and subjugation of Black women.

No one wants to marry a Jezebel. I'm sure there are men who wouldn't mind spending a night with a Jezebel, or two, but no man wants to marry, bring him to mom, have children by [that he cares about] a Jezebel. If you are dressing like a whore, you are going to attract a whore or someone not decent. No decent Black man would want to be seen with a Jezebel, because that would reflect on him, as having poor taste. And, a Jezebel would never be seen as having a brain nor a decent conversation. After the sex, the other 23 hours in the day has to be spent talking to your mate. If you aren't seen as being good enough to talk to, noone is going to hang around for those 23 hours.  The jezebel image has taken off in recent years.  Many Black oriented magazines have completely revamped and repackaged the jezebel look.  Many Jezebels grace the covers of Black men's magazines.  It is disgraceful.  The more these images are seen the less and less Black men will even want to date or even less, talk to a Black woman who dresses like that.  Don't mistake "let's have sex" with talking to you.


The Sapphire
C) Sapphire - this image is the angry Black woman. It was developed by the white man, to portray the black woman as some irrational animal, monster, sub-human. The Sapphire (or angry sister) is another very popular stereotype promulgated by today’s mass media. Sapphire originated “as a live television image in the person of the Amos and Andy character Sapphire Stevens” The Sapphire has no specific physical features. Typically, her complexion is brown or dark brown. She is a mature adult whose build is moderate to stout. The Sapphire is loud, overbearing, shrewd and aggressive. She is ambitious, educated and seems to relish conflict; especially with (in her opinion) the "good for nothing" Black man.


"The most notable characteristic of Sapphire is her sassiness which is exceeded only by her verbosity. She is also noted for telling people off and spouting her opinion in an animated loud manner. Because of her intense expressiveness and hands-on-hip, finger-pointing style, Sapphire is viewed as comedic and is never taken seriously” 

Ultimately, she represents the domineering emasculator. The Sapphire image of Black womanhood, unlike other images that symbolize Black women, necessitates the presence of a (black) man. When the Sapphire is depicted it is the man who represents the point of contention. Her sheer existence is predicated on the trickery and lack of integrity of her male counterparts. This allows her to project her superior moral compass onto the amoral (black) man.

Noone wants to date a sapphire. No Black man needs to go to work, be eyed all day as a robber, thug, murderer, rapist, thief, mongoloid, animal and then come home to a Black woman that emasculates him. It's just not going to happen. You drive away a black man by the millions. And while you might be angry, you have just ruined it with 1,000 other sisters who think life is great and having a Black man would be great.

The tragedy here is, every sapphire has their own unique thought about what a "man" is. And, while they might think they are all saying the same thing "my man is no good", they mean totally different things. Their definition of a man does not agree, not in any objective type of way. While one might be angry that her and her man never goes anywhere, another might be angry that he does not bring her flowers or candy. And, when they compare notes, each could care less about what the other sapphire is angry about, because to them that's not important. However, in the mean time, their loud boisterous nature has driven both men off into the arms of a white / asian / latin girl that could care less about all of those things.

The Tragic Mulatto
D) tragic mulatto - this is the image of the biracial Black woman that doesn't fit in either race. She is not welcomed by the white race. She is not welcomed by the Black race. She then commits suicide in despair. The tragic mulatto emphasized her personal pathologies: self-hatred, depression, alcoholism, sexual perversion, and suicide attempts being the most common. If light enough to "pass" as White, she did, but passing led to deeper self-loathing. She pitied or despised Blacks and the "blackness" in herself; she hated or feared Whites yet desperately sought their approval. In a race-based society, the tragic mulatto found peace only in death. She evoked pity or scorn, not sympathy.

Black men can't date a tragic mulatto. Simply because she won't have him. I've personally met a couple of black women who said they would never, ever date a Black man. [ secretly between you and me, they weren't all that pretty, nor all that bright, so it's no loss to the gene pool anyway ] But, the tragic mulatto today is so convinced of her superiority over Black men, She could never see herself with a Black man. She joins the white side in castigating the Black man. While she may not be loud and boisterous like the sapphire, she may be caught saying the same things under her breath. The tragedy of course is she runs to the arms of some white man, who then wakes up and realizes he's with a filthy Black woman, and dumps her. Although stereotypical, it's all too true.



Do not get me wrong, Black men make these mistakes too, but nowhere near the numbers that Black women do.  Remember my earlier quote that the Black American female is the most single and  unmarried person on the planet]

Although these stereotypes were hand-crafted and cultivated by white men to objectify and dehumanize Black women, so many Black women actully fall into these stereotypes by themselves.

Please check out my legal website for DUI at Las Vegas DUI Attorney
See me live on Youtube on Shakaama Live

64 comments:

Pete said...

I must say you've hit on some valid points. I take your 10 reason and supply my thoughts on them. Take into account that I have talked to many men and women on these issues so my findings are not singularly based. I would like to say that though I avoid women with the negative characters, I will always love my Black sisters and simply seek the one I am equally yoked with.

1. "black women make black men feel underappreciated, unwarranted, irresponsible, and regressive. black women tend to emasculate black men. black women answer this by saying they have to be strong and can't help emasculating her black man."

True: You take the woman raised by a single mother bitter over the man or men that left her without and to do for on her own. It becomes a stigma passed down, Black men ain't worth crap and you have to keep a foot in their behind. But you have to consider that the mother was a fast behind that got pregnant at 14, 15 years old by a kid, a boy that didn't know any better got scared and ran, not a man and that's where the problem began. Not saying it was completely on her but she shares in her demise. can't blame it all on the boy.

2. "black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in the waiting on the pursuit of black men."

True: A bit of tie in to 1, young and dumb but think you're grown and all knowing. Think you don't have to wait on a man then wonder why all those you gave it up to so quick are off and running to find another to lick.

3. "black women are strong headed, too independent, present great challenges in relationships."

True: Nothing wrong with being confident and self sufficient but when you take it to the point of being arrogant and over bearing, not many will want to be around you.

4. "black women are masculine, in that they are controlling, and like to run the relationship,"

Another true aspect: I find too many women think they should be in control of everything. Can't tell them that's why they are alone. A real man is not going to stand for it. You either share responsibilities or the man is the head of the household. Funny thing is, those same controlling women will tell you they don't want a wimp either.

5. black women expect too much, they are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar worker,

False: Black women are like any other race of women in this aspect. No race doesn't have their share of gold diggers and designing eyes for grandeur.

6. "black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes,"

False: Again, Blacks do not have a lock on bad attitudes. White, Hispanic, Oriental, doesn't matter; they all have their hot headed women.

7. "black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age,"

True: Sadly I must agree with this. It does appear Black women care less about their appearance more after marriage than an certain age I think. Knew a lady 45 when I met her. Gorgeous, make any 20 year old envious. Got married, didn't she her for a couple of years. Lady was pushing 300 lbs next time I saw her. I asked what happened. She said, "I got a man, I do need to keep up any appearance." And then theirs the lady whose husband repeatedly told her... 'I don't like fat... get fat and I gone.' yes, it was swallow of the man but when she blew up he left her. What did she do? Said, "I'll show him." and got back down to that nice sexy slim figure in no time at all. My only question was if it was that easy why couldn't you maintain it in the first place?

To be continued.

Pete said...

I must say you've hit on some valid points. I take your 10 reason and supply my thoughts on them. Take into account that I have talked to many men and women on these issues so my findings are not singularly based. I would like to say that though I avoid women with the negative characters, I will always love my Black sisters and simply seek the one I am equally yoked with.

1. "black women make black men feel underappreciated, unwarranted, irresponsible, and regressive. black women tend to emasculate black men. black women answer this by saying they have to be strong and can't help emasculating her black man."

True: You take the woman raised by a single mother bitter over the man or men that left her without and to do for on her own. It becomes a stigma passed down, Black men ain't worth crap and you have to keep a foot in their behind. But you have to consider that the mother was a fast behind that got pregnant at 14, 15 years old by a kid, a boy that didn't know any better got scared and ran, not a man and that's where the problem began. Not saying it was completely on her but she shares in her demise. can't blame it all on the boy.

2. "black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in the waiting on the pursuit of black men."

True: A bit of tie in to 1, young and dumb but think you're grown and all knowing. Think you don't have to wait on a man then wonder why all those you gave it up to so quick are off and running to find another to lick.

3. "black women are strong headed, too independent, present great challenges in relationships."

True: Nothing wrong with being confident and self sufficient but when you take it to the point of being arrogant and over bearing, not many will want to be around you.

4. "black women are masculine, in that they are controlling, and like to run the relationship,"

Another true aspect: I find too many women think they should be in control of everything. Can't tell them that's why they are alone. A real man is not going to stand for it. You either share responsibilities or the man is the head of the household. Funny thing is, those same controlling women will tell you they don't want a wimp either.

5. black women expect too much, they are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar worker,

False: Black women are like any other race of women in this aspect. No race doesn't have their share of gold diggers and designing eyes for grandeur.

6. "black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes,"

False: Again, Blacks do not have a lock on bad attitudes. White, Hispanic, Oriental, doesn't matter; they all have their hot headed women.

7. "black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age,"

True: Sadly I must agree with this. It does appear Black women care less about their appearance more after marriage than an certain age I think. Knew a lady 45 when I met her. Gorgeous, make any 20 year old envious. Got married, didn't she her for a couple of years. Lady was pushing 300 lbs next time I saw her. I asked what happened. She said, "I got a man, I do need to keep up any appearance." And then theirs the lady whose husband repeatedly told her... 'I don't like fat... get fat and I gone.' yes, it was swallow of the man but when she blew up he left her. What did she do? Said, "I'll show him." and got back down to that nice sexy slim figure in no time at all. My only question was if it was that easy why couldn't you maintain it in the first place?

to be continued.

Pete said...

Continued: the rest of my points to the 10 reasons...

I may have posted the first part twice but... her's the rest.


8. "black women are not sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex"

False: Black women are as sexually uninhibited as any other. Not all will do anything a man desires but it's the same for other races also.

9. "black women's tolerance is far too low, they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America"

True: Black women are too wrapped up in their own rise they forget the Black are still left society's scraps. Labor department statistic show that minorities benefiting most from affirmative actions are 1. White women 2. Black women... not going to list all others in between but still scraping the bottom of the barrel is Black men. And from a personal side it's happen to me three times. A Black woman, much less qualified than I am gets a promotion over me... and then wants to jump up in my face like she all high and mighty. I quit a job behind one that tried to jump in my face over some BS of she knew little about. I have to smile a little because after I left (I got the place afloat and the head manager begged me to stay) the place went down hill and they both, her and the head manager got fired. Not all Black women are where they are deservingly and sometimes, they got there by helping (thought they may not realize it) the white man step on a Black man. One Black man's experience, add that up the millions of others. Ever been in a business meeting and wonder how in the hell the dumb cluck trying to speak got where she is?

10. "black women do not cater to their man"

True: One of the biggest problems... too many Black women have become selfish. It's all about them and to hell with what the man wants. Take simple gift giving... a man better give her a nice gift but if she gives him something it's some BS she got at the dollar store.

Disclaimer: Not all Black women have these negative attributes. But there is a lot truth to them. As with anything, you simply have to weed out the good from the bad.

Shakaama said...

My family would skin me alive if I brought home something other than a sistah. yet, I'm having a hard time finding ... any girl worth my time.

Angel said...

Perhaps if you stopped looking for "girls" and started looking for a "woman" that might change. LOL. I don't remember reading (and it could've just been my fault for overlooking it)a disclaimer, such as the one at the end of Pete's, seemingly well-thought-out, comments. Upon reading this, someone who is totally ignorant of black women's nature or just wants to believe the worst in black women, would believe that your comments are true of ALL black women, when that is severely untrue! I will admit that there are SOME black women who fit your "criterion"and SOME who don't; but I will also admit that there are plenty of women from OTHER races who ALSO fit your "criterion". I'm a bit disappointed in that men HATE to be stereotyped, for instance: ALL men are dogs OR EVERY black man wears his pants down to his ankles and thinks he's a thug, etc. Well, NEWSFLASH: women don't like to be stereotyped either. Words are a very powerful thing, you see, because no matter how true or valid they are, you have the freedom to use them as you please, to say whatever you want to whatever audience you desire and UNFORTUNATELY, SOMEONE(S) will believe what you say without finding out for themselves what is true and what is false about what you say. That being said, I can appreciate Pete's comments because he was real enough to record what he and those he spoke with thought was TRUE and what they thought was FALSE and why. So, since I don't remember reading it in your blog I will add this: there are women of ALL races who treat black men as less than human, let alone less than a man. There are women of ALL races who help to perpetuate the "plight of the black man" and degrade the very fabric of a black man. There are women of ALL races who don't cater to their men because they feel that they, themselves are owed something, and so they don't concern themselves with the needs and desires of others. There are women of ALL races who decide to "let themselves" go after a certain age or after "landing their man". There are women of ALL races who don't give a good gosh-durn about what black men go through; and the list goes on and on. The behaviors you listed are NOT and I repeat, NOT specific to ALL black women, nor are they specific to ALL women period. These are unfortunate behaviors that are specific to SOME women, that is, women of ALL races, ages, backgrounds, etc. I am a black woman who loves a black man and I know how to respect and love him. I'm sure there are many other black, asian, caucasian, latina, indian, et al, women who can say the same thing. My thoughts on your blog are that unfortunately this blog will be what a lot of people use to substantiate their own negative view of what a black woman is and it [the blog] will help to perpetuate the negative STEREOTYPES of black women. I, personally, don't feel "attacked" by what you say here because, by the grace of God, I am nowhere to be found in your description of a "black woman". But, I am perplexed by the fact that a "black man" who claims to be looking for a good "sistah" would throw his "sistahs" under a bus; and what's more, after throwing "sistahs" under the bus, you want one to get back up [after being run over], dust herself off, and present herself to YOU tire marks and all... Interesting. Thanks for your viewpoint though, I can appreciate your opinion.

Anonymous said...

As a black woman I'm extremely saddened that one of my own took the time to spread this around so that men who prefer the aesthetics of other races can validate themselves. I really don't understand people who complain about racism in America, then turn around and stereotype people in their own racial group.

Personally, who cares. Thanks to many a gorgeous, strong, smart & talented black woman (hopefully not just those jezebel ones) who is now famous and out in the open, we are coming back into style. We don't need to date you either :) If black women are more likely to be alone, it's because they're more equipped to survive on their own two feet.

Shakaama said...

This article was not targeted toward Black men at all. In fact if no Black man read this article, it wouldn't phase me at all.

The target of this article is Black women. If you see the very reasons Black men will not date nor marry a Black woman, it is all on the woman.

It cannot be the case that Black men are the problem. When you have 70% of Black women being single, it is time for a reality check. The race is going to die out due to Black women's pride.

Anonymous said...

Shakaama, please stop the madness.

It saddens me when blacks dog each other out just to look for justification in other races. Yes, there are crappy black women around, but not all are. I myself have a hard time finding a black man. Most of the time it is because they don't meet my standards. Many want to live the hiphop/thug life, and dress like it. Every word that comes out of there mouth is either a curse, "yeah", "um", or "you know what I am saying". I immediately run from men like those. I have currently only dated white men and a hispanic. But never, ever, have I gone to a public sphere and spew hate about black men. No offense, but it seems to me that when black men (and women) do this, they are just hoping for white people or others to read it. The sad truth is that they read it and laugh at the dumb n&%%$%s fighting among themselves. It is childish. There are bad eggs in both sexes of all races.

Shakaama said...

If a white person never read my blog, I wouldn't even blink. This is actually intended for a Black audience. And, it does seem that 90% of the readership of this article is Black.

This isn't meant to dog anyone out, nor is my 2nd part to this. This is intended to wake up Black women, show them a mirror and let them know that the reason 70% of them are SINGLE is not because Black men have DONE anything to them, quite the opposite. It is they themselves that have pushed Black men away.

It is interesting to me to note that Black women have absolutely no time for Black men. Although they complain about it. White women however look beyond the facade and see what's there. They turn those same thugs you reject and settle down with them. I see it happening all day long.

Do what other race women do, go to college. I daresay college Black men are not thugs, nor want to be thugs. I'm sure if you're meeting thugs, you're hanging around the wrong environment.

Anonymous said...

I feel like this blog was based on this person home trainning Dont blame the world for your lack of a postive role modles in your family. This is not a black thing. We choose to love who we want to love. 2010 is about what ever floats your boat! Just love and be happy!

Shakaama said...

It's funny you say that anonymous. Because, it's completely false. I grew up rich, with a near genius mother that I thought could do anything. I grew up overseas and speak several languages. I don't know how much more positive my life could have been.

What you're failing to realize is that Black women are asking the question: "why aren't Black men dating me?" And, Black men are saying "I will never date another Black woman.

While you might wanna live in a dream world where everyone is equal, I'm here to let the cat out the bag and show it is not. There is a complete disconnect in Black relationships and I'm telling you why. If Black women said "forget them I'll go date someone else" that would be another story. But, the fact of the matter is, Black women refuse to date anyone else. It's Black men or nothing for most Black women. And that's wy 70% of Black women are single.

It's a sad statistic.

Anonymous said...

Where in the hell did these statistic come from Shakaama's back pocket? What empirical study was put together to support such a claim this is all opinion with no real hard core facts to back up any of this bull shit.... I need to see facts...

Shakaama said...

Well Mr. Anonymous, the article isn't talking about Vitamin D affecting cancer cells, so there'll be no empirical studies presented for it. However, the data I looked at was from a study done and a couple of researchers who interviewed hundreds of Black men. Oprah herself came on national T.V. and said 70% of Black women are single. I read the same report.

Now if you want to argue some of the points, I'm all yours to argue with. What you got a beef with?

Ablacklady said...

Very interesting... black women do need to look outside of their race to explore other options besides black men... And some black women do have faults of their own that leave them single...but lets stop acting like there are a plethora of black men out there that are eligible and waiting to get married... because there arent....some are still trying to live the single player life..some are trying to still get their lives together...some are fathering multiple kids and living irresponsible lives....so please stop acting like its completely a black woman's fault if she is single...lets be real here... there arent that many eligible black men around... and when we desire something great like a man with education or ambitions or even specific traits like a tall man...we are told we need to settle....yet you complain that women have gotten to fat and/ or dont let you be a man... no one can take your manhood from you unless you let them...

Be Blessed...and if you dont find the black woman you are looking for...by all means go to the other races...

Ablacklady said...

Oh and the lady whose pic you posted... she is not actually a sapphire or a mean lady at all... just because she made a face and you stole it from her profile somewhere and then you want to call her mean and angry... please stop with the generalizations... and stupidity...

Shakaama said...

Ablacklady let me run some numbers by you.

Black women 70% single. Hands down the most single person on the planet.

Black men 10% in prison [not a huge percentage, but there it is]
Black men 33% married [pretty good number]
Black men 10% too old / too young for marriage [just a number I pulled out the air]

So 50% of Black men are eligible for marriage. If all 50% of them married Black women, this entire debate would be over.

However, in the survey here's what they found: every Black man surveyed were open to dating / marrying a Black woman; every Black man surveyed said it was the Black woman stopping the relationship.

They did not survey hood rats. They did not survey ghetto kings with 5 different baby's mamas. These were all marriage material Black men who were not dating / marrying a Black woman.

That's how sapphire's are portrayed. Think of Max on "Living Single".

Ablacklady said...

What is your source and who did they interview..and what were their reasons for black women stopping the relationship..they were not submissive and did not kiss their prideful asses enough? Or all black women have too many baby daddy's...and dont do enough fellatio

I dont think that 50% is an accurate depiction of the entire population of black men...

Not every black woman fits into these stereotpyes...there are a plethora who do not...

It looks to me as if you are having a pity party for black males...woe is me because my woman doesnt cater to me or let me boss them around...because she doesnt need me to take the trash out....because she doesnt want to be a housewife...because she slept with 10 dudes...meanwhile I slept with 50 women and she is the whore...because she doesnt want to date me because I am a blue collar worker...because she gained weight even though I am balding and I did too....

but I digress... you will have your opinion and continue to down the black women under the guise that you are worried about the future of the black race....

Shakaama said...

Ablacklady

if you think two people in love, in a relationship, need to focus on one kissing the other one's butt, then there is a serious problem with your view of a relationship.

This is the exact problem with the women's lib movement and the rhetoric that has come out of it after the lesbians took over. The women's liberation movement started out to get women the right to vote. Once that was accomplished, the women's lib movement was taken over by lesbians. Their new agenda was to direct the female to downgrade men as much as possible, to the point of they did not need a man. No heterosexual, self-respecting woman ever would think to do away with men. That was not the direction the original starters of the women's lib movement wanted at all.

If you are buying into the lesbian mindset that men are the problem with life in America, that is some serious anti-social behavior.

Truth, woman needs man. Man needs woman. End of story. White men don't downgrade white women [by calling them whores, B****es, nappy headed hos] And white women don't go around call white men dogs, sissys, punks, not-a-man. When was the last time you heard a white woman call a white man "he ain't a man". I personally have never heard it.

The number one culture in America today is not white culture, it is Asian culture. Asians are higher educated, make more money, are more married than even white people. Guess what? Their women treat their husbands with honor, respect and admiration. You think that's a fluke? You think that's by chance? You think the one has nothing to do with the other?

If we are to get ahead we need to take a cue from Asians, not white people. Asians don't ask for anything from the government and in fact don't bring attention to themselves.

I guarantee you the reason Oprah isn't married today, is the same reason most Black women aren't married. They want to run the show. And, for all their calling men, "not men", the man walks out the door, because the Black woman won't let him be the man in the relationship.

This is even filtered into the Christian woman's psyche. In Christianity the woman is supposed to look to her man. But Christian women are being caught up by the world. So now Christian women are going single. Why? Because they want to run the show. You can't have a man AND run the show. I daresay you can't be Christian, female, and try and run a man's life and still call yourself a Christian, but that's a whole nother article.

Celeste said...

This sounds as if you are trying to justify your own pursuit of white women. Don't try to make black men the victims here and use every excuse you can to demonize black women. Just admit that you want the white meat and cannot live up to the expectations of black women. Own it, you hate black women and want a white one. A genuine, honest, strong, confident man does not need to get validation in being "the man" in a relationship. He just is. My man of over 25 years is very confident in his manhood. And as for emulating Asians - you haven't lived in an Asian community for long, have you? No woman, regardless of race or ethnicity needs to take that much crap off another person, let alone the one who is supposed to love her. My man and I respect one another - we share the roles of lover and beloved. We build one another up and hold one another up. Neither one of us "runs the show" We steer this course together. And until you learn that marriage is a partnership of equals, you will keep deluding yourself into believing that the fault lies in the dark color of a woman's skin and not the gaping void in your soul.

Shakaama said...

Celeste, i'm just reporting the study. I dated one white lady in my life, out of ...about 10 girlfriends. All the rest were black. Me personally, I like Black "ladies".

It is hard for me to find Black ladies. Everyone I meet is ghetto fabulous, going nowhere, no brains, no self respect, no self worth, don't own a dress nor a skirt nor not one pair of high heels [being comfortable is fine but can you not show up to the date looking more like a man than me?]

I love Black women. I want them to carry us through. I put it on them to be the independent woman they pretend to be and step up to the plate.

And, by the looks of it, everything the Black men said is true. I have had none of you admit that - maybe you are harsh on Black men and shoo them off. Everyone gets defensive and no one wants to admit they treat the Black man ... who is already treated badly and demonized by white people AND the media, badly. How are you gonna stomp on a brother's throat when every night they got a brother spread eagle and in handcuffs talking about "see what cops have to do to these animals".

I'm nowhere near a thug / G / homeboy / rapper and I get the whole "you people" crap from white people.

Yes there might be Black women out there who love Black men and treat them with respect and honor and love, but there are a whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooole lot of Black women that don't. I guarantee you every one of the brothers in that survey ran into the whole lot, and didn't run into the good Black woman.

Don't worry about me, my children will be blue black, if I have anything to do with it. They'll be no Barracks up in my house. PEACE.

Anonymous said...

Being a "mulatto" lady myself, it's not true that we are all depressed and sucidal because we don't like one half of ourselves. My bestfriend is mulatto, and I prefer black guys, she prefers white guys. We are not tragically confused about what we should like based on race. The truth is we are just looking for a decent guy. Oh and trust me, there are plenty of decent black women out there, and usually the right way to find them is to not look for them. Plain and simple. Also, just because a women is independent and strong when you first meet her, doesn't mean that she's not really a good person, maybe she has just been raised to not rely on anyone and that if you truly wat something, you need to work for it. We might have a temper...but have you heard some of the crap that people call us? You are always focusing on all the racism that the black man goes through, did you ever consider that black women go through it too? And on top of the we are always dealing with sexist comments.

Shakaama said...

Oh sister it is not that all of the stereotypes written above hold true for every Black woman. It is just that a lot of Black woman fall into the stereotypes.

The stereotypes were not created from white men observing Black women, they were created to hide their own lusts at the time. Hollywood and t.v. helped perpetuate those stereotypes.

The tragedy is that they created a mantle that was not real and Black women put it on anyway.

I could date anyone of any shade of black. :) Although I have caught myself saying, "she would be prettier if she were darker". I don't even know where that comes from.

Anonymous said...

EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAD TO SAY IS COMPLETE AND UDDER BULLSHIT.WHERE HAVE YOU TRAVELED AND MET THE KIND OF BLACK WOMEN YOU DESCRIBED. IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALL OVER AMERICA. BECAUSE I KNOW WOMEN TO THIS DAY WHO DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF YOUR LIST. I KNOW A MANY WHITE WOMAN WHO WONT PLEASE HER MAN ORALLY I KNO JUST AS MANY WHO WILL SAY THAT HER MAN IS NOT A MAN. SO TO BE THAT ON A WOMAN MAKES YOU HELLA IGNORANT. ITS NOT THAT MANS FAULT ARE YOU SERIOUS. WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO LIE CHEAT FOR NO DAMN REASON. THEY HAVE A WOMAN WHO WILL GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER FOR THEM BEND OVER BACKWARDS TO PLEASE AND SATISFY HIS EVERY SEXUAL DESIRE AND YET HE STILL FEELS THE NEED TO CHEAT? HAVE YOU TALK TO THESE MEN AND WOMEN YOURSELF? YOU LOVE BLACK WOMEN,BUT YOU TREATING THEM LIKE EVERY OTHER BLACK MAN OR ANY MAN HAS TREATED THEM. A BLACK WOMAN IS WHO SHE IS BECAUSE A BLACK MAN IS WHO IS. YOU WANT HER TO DO WHAT YOU THEN PULL YOUR THUMB OUT YOUR M0UTH AND ACT LIKE A REAL MAN. DON'T COMPARE ALL BLACK WOMEN TO THE FEW YOU HAVE DEALT WITH. AND MAYBE IF YOU WERE MORE OF A MAN THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THE PROBLEMS THAT YOUR HAVING NOW.

Anonymous said...

LOL...the last comment obviously came from Sapphire :-)

Anonymous said...

LOL...the last comment was obviously made by Sapphire

Alison said...

I definitely see where you're coming from. I think part of the problem is that for centuries, black women were expected to be EVERYONE'S rock. The white women's, the white man's, AND the black man's. We often didn't have a choice as to who we could favor - even long after slavery, with so many black women working to raise the children of white families, or having to kiss ass to white men in the workplace... So maybe a lot of black women are just tired in general. While we may not have to deal with being randomly pulled over and spread eagled, we do have to deal with being SEXUALLY "pulled over and spread eagled", and quite frankly I would rather someone outright pulled me over and called me a nigger than someone making assumptions, judgements, and insinuations about my body and sexuality as a black women, and assuming that we are all "there for the taking".

So while I do see where you're coming from - as a black chick - by admitting that those stereotypes are RAMPANT, also I think it's important to take into account that again, historically, black relationships were literally not *allowed* in this country for a very long time. With slavery, black men and women often did not get to choose who they "bred" with (let alone get married) and had their children ripped away from them. And ever since then, the black family has gone through all sorts of struggles - with again, black women frequently having to neglect their own families and children and femininity by having to work long hours for white women raising THEIR kids and serving THEIR husbands.

by the time a black woman got home, who could blame her if she didn't have the energy or patience to serve anyone else, or be their "rock" - even out of love? Obviously, times have changed - but I think a lot of the attitudes of those eras, and the repercussions they had on black families, have definitely been passed on...

Shakaama said...

Actually the post wasn't based on any opinion I have of Black women.

FYI I date exclusively Black women. I like dark Black women. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I just feel weirded out by red bones and high yella's. I can appreciate they are pretty or sexy, but I would not date them.

"AND MAYBE IF YOU WERE MORE OF A MAN THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THE PROBLEMS THAT YOUR HAVING NOW." ...

Wow, you're not falling into the sapphire stereotype at all?

Shakaama said...

Alison that was a great comment.

For those who think they know the numbers and believe T.V. read through my blog. You'll find that these stereotypes in general that they put out on T.V.: black people are poor; black people are on welfare etc... are false. I've written about it time and again.

But Alison does bring up a good point. I do see the other side of the picture with the Black woman having to tow the line. But, I'm here to tell you, that it is not in the numbers you might think it is. A lot of the Black women from the article above think they know Black men, generalization, and then go on to treat them shamefully based on their own ignorance. Calling them names "AND MAYBE IF YOU WERE MORE OF A MAN THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THE PROBLEMS THAT YOUR HAVING NOW." Putting them down. So when the Black man, who ALSO, has to be the rock, since he's the man of the house, doesn't get any support at home or our of his girl friend, he moves on.

And, that's the point of the article. Black men are moving on.

No, I don't mean they are leaving their children to women, because that's a lie and I have written about that too. They are leaving the utter abuse. They've had it and they are moving on to women that will not gold dig them, women that will be supportive, women that won't question their manhood [ridiculous], and women that will please them sexually.

I wrote the piece as and FYI "hey sisters, look out, this is what's going on".

I would hope by reading this article, if you and your girlfriends get together and one starts with "my man ain't sh**, he comes home crying all the time, he won't get a raise," that you would turn to her and say "maybe if you would stop being a ghettofabulous queen and see what's going on, you could help, instead of bringing him down and bad mouthing him in the street. And another thing, appreciate you got a man that brings you home the bacon."

That's my hope. I can hope can't I?

Anonymous said...

I think the view presented on black women is so dang true! Asians are the way to go!!! I myself date a fine asian!

Anonymous said...

"for the most part black people aren't considered 2nd class citizens any more, the dating pool for black men is wide open"

That's weird, I never see black men with other races hardly at all where I live and I live a city up north. The white males are the dominant here and interracial dating is rare.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, who really gives if a black woman gets a white man? She shouldn't be inhibited by any race, nationality or culture. Maybe if you stopped looking at men by race and more as what their qualities are, you might find that men are all the same, no matter what color our skin is.
I find there's too much emphasis being put on people of X skin color needing to date couples of X skin color.
List aside, this is a very racist article. If I as a while male posted a list that had the words black male or black female in every other sentence and made a list of all the same stereotypes, I'd probably get torn into by other people for being racist.

Anonymous said...

Saw this on Youtube 1st. Yeah these points seem Negative, but what needs to be focused on is the "why" and how black ppl got to this point. So my point is black women can look at this and say yeah, but I got a 10 reasons list for you too, but when you take this list(which most Sistas refuse to ADMIT to, only a small few will) and you add your list of what Black men do wrong you get what?,...alot of Black women not getting married to black men(if that is what they want). Nothing wrong in my Opinion w/ this "FYI" b/c it included "WHY" and that's where the focus should be. Now that we know why the next thing is to "fix" it. Hope this made sense.

Anonymous said...

Obviously, some Black women fit all of these descriptions. Some fit a few, and many fit none. I am a Black woman, and I accidentally found this blog entry.

I do not have a problem with Black men venting their "issues" with Black women. However, when we start getting into the blame game, it shows me that some people, both male and female, aren't interested in taking personal responsibility.

For those that talk about Black women being raised by single parents and the "issues" they have as a result, what about all the Black men who came from single mothers? What kind of "issues" do they have?

As a Black women who was raised in a 2 parent upper middle class home, I can assure you that I have also dealt with Black men with deep emotional issues. The problems go in both directions.

And no offense to the author, but my father, a businessman and very well-educated man once said: "If you are going to confront someone, make sure to wear your best dress." What he meant is that if you are going to attack or confront others, make sure that all your I's are dotted and all your T's are crossed. Author, please make sure that your grammar and spelling are as polished as possible. I struggled to read your entire blog post because of misspellings.

Shakaama said...

********
To the last commenter,
I am lazy. So in honor of you, and well, the rest of my readers, I went back and edited it. One pic was missing too. I can't have that lol.
*********

A lot of women posters here think the article was done to antagonize Black women. My take is, Black women do not know. I myself have gotten the business end of "you ain't sh**" "You ain't a man". Not a lot mind you, because I date within my class range. Most of the Black women who tend to say all this are broke, to begin with, have no class, no education and no home training. I would never say to a Black woman, "you ain't sh**". If I thought that, seriously, why would I be with her?

It is my view that Black women and Black men should be together.

This post is not racist in any shape form or fashion. It is by a Black man, talking to Blacks, about Black issues.

Every time a Black man talks to another Black man, 10 white men holler, "yall racist". GTFO here.

I want Black men to marry Black women. Plain and simple. If you find a Black female with a bad attitude and can't find a Black man, sit down with her and go over some things with her. At the end of the day, the female chases the man, and not visa versa. Remember I said there's a billion dollar beauty industry, and that's not for men. You are trying to catch the man. If you only catch mosquitoes, you better check your net. If you only catch hood rats, check your traps. If you only catch "you ain't a man" where are you dipping your fishing pole? And, even if you upgrade to affluent Black neighborhoods and you still run into "you ain't a man", it's you with the problem.

Anonymous said...

Racist as sh**.. If there was a white guy whining about white women dating (especially black men) in this manner of lazy stereotyping, he'd be condemned a racist bigot KKK asshole in less than a second. For a black guy this sort of unintellectualism seems to be ok..

Shakaama said...

Anonymous apparently you don't know what the definition of racist is. Make sure you check out my post about the Definition of Racism. Now, assuming you have a valid point and overlooking your lack of knowledge on the word racism, let's look at your comment.

hmmm your first statement says that if the shoe were on the other foot... but you don't put it on the other foot. you completely ignore the post and redefine the post to fit your stupid argument. So let's see how you redefined it.

You say that the post is about a black man [ME] whining [somehow ME is whining all of a sudden ] about Black women dating white men [ woah did you even read the article? ] then you say [ ME ] is unintellectual.

Ok, so obviously you didn't read the article at all.

I'll give you the cliff notes:
1. ME is reporting on a survey that was taken of Black men
2. the survey was about why Black MEN [not women, you moron] won't date nor marry Black WOMEN [ no other race was even asked about, nor do we care about other races in the survey, it a completely IN HOUSE survey, about OUR people, yes Black people talk to EACH OTHER ]
3. the answers were varied as to the reasons why Black MEN [ no women, you moron ] wouldn't date nor marry Black WOMEN.
4. I presented the 10 answers to the survey
5. I went over how the answers could be easily remedied because a lot of Black women sell themselves short and fall into stereotypes that were hoisted upon them by WHITE SOCIETY.

Now, go on and take some remedial English classes and then come back and read [ MY ] article, not the one you want to think you read. Take your head out of your hindside and go troll someone else.

The only reason I responded to your comment, is because it is a prime example of how white people usurp any and all discussions Black people have amongst themselves and seek to redefine the dialogue to their own twisted end to call us racist, when we are in fact conversing with each other, to the exclusion of all other races, as it should be.

Do not fall for white people redefining our own internal dialogue. We desperately need to talk amongst ourselves. Get away from the white people that try and call you racist, when you're having it out with your own brother / sister. Get away from the white people that try and "calm" you down. They are worse than the hatemongers, because they pretend to come in peace, when in reality all they are saying is "sit down and shut up, you should like what we give you."

Shakaama said...

Anonymous apparently you don't know what the definition of racist is. Make sure you check out my post about the Definition of Racism. Now, assuming you have a valid point and overlooking your lack of knowledge on the word racism, let's look at your comment.

hmmm your first statement says that if the shoe were on the other foot... but you don't put it on the other foot. you completely ignore the post and redefine the post to fit your stupid argument. So let's see how you redefined it.

You say that the post is about a black man [ME] whining [somehow ME is whining all of a sudden ] about Black women dating white men [ woah did you even read the article? ] then you say [ ME ] is unintellectual.

Ok, so obviously you didn't read the article at all.

I'll give you the cliff notes:
1. ME is reporting on a survey that was taken of Black men
2. the survey was about why Black MEN [not women, you moron] won't date nor marry Black WOMEN [ no other race was even asked about, nor do we care about other races in the survey, it a completely IN HOUSE survey, about OUR people, yes Black people talk to EACH OTHER ]
3. the answers were varied as to the reasons why Black MEN [ no women, you moron ] wouldn't date nor marry Black WOMEN.
4. I presented the 10 answers to the survey
5. I went over how the answers could be easily remedied because a lot of Black women sell themselves short and fall into stereotypes that were hoisted upon them by WHITE SOCIETY.

Now, go on and take some remedial English classes and then come back and read [ MY ] article, not the one you want to think you read. Take your head out of your hindside and go troll someone else.

The only reason I responded to your comment, is because it is a prime example of how white people usurp any and all discussions Black people have amongst themselves and seek to redefine the dialogue to their own twisted end to call us racist, when we are in fact conversing with each other, to the exclusion of all other races, as it should be.

Do not fall for white people redefining our own internal dialogue. We desperately need to talk amongst ourselves. Get away from the white people that try and call you racist, when you're having it out with your own brother / sister. Get away from the white people that try and "calm" you down. They are worse than the hatemongers, because they pretend to come in peace, when in reality all they are saying is "sit down and shut up, you should like what we give you."

Shakaama said...

Anonymous apparently you don't know what the definition of racist is. Make sure you check out my post about the Definition of Racism. Now, assuming you have a valid point and overlooking your lack of knowledge on the word racism, let's look at your comment.

hmmm your first statement says that if the shoe were on the other foot... but you don't put it on the other foot. you completely ignore the post and redefine the post to fit your stupid argument. So let's see how you redefined it.

You say that the post is about a black man [ME] whining [somehow ME is whining all of a sudden ] about Black women dating white men [ woah did you even read the article? ] then you say [ ME ] is unintellectual.

Ok, so obviously you didn't read the article at all.

I'll give you the cliff notes:
1. ME is reporting on a survey that was taken of Black men
2. the survey was about why Black MEN [not women, you moron] won't date nor marry Black WOMEN [ no other race was even asked about, nor do we care about other races in the survey, it a completely IN HOUSE survey, about OUR people, yes Black people talk to EACH OTHER ]
3. the answers were varied as to the reasons why Black MEN [ no women, you moron ] wouldn't date nor marry Black WOMEN.
4. I presented the 10 answers to the survey
5. I went over how the answers could be easily remedied because a lot of Black women sell themselves short and fall into stereotypes that were hoisted upon them by WHITE SOCIETY.

Now, go on and take some remedial English classes and then come back and read [ MY ] article, not the one you want to think you read. Take your head out of your hindside and go troll someone else.

The only reason I responded to your comment, is because it is a prime example of how white people usurp any and all discussions Black people have amongst themselves and seek to redefine the dialogue to their own twisted end to call us racist, when we are in fact conversing with each other, to the exclusion of all other races, as it should be.

Do not fall for white people redefining our own internal dialogue. We desperately need to talk amongst ourselves. Get away from the white people that try and call you racist, when you're having it out with your own brother / sister. Get away from the white people that try and "calm" you down. They are worse than the hatemongers, because they pretend to come in peace, when in reality all they are saying is "sit down and shut up, you should like what we give you."

Shakaama said...

test

Shakaama said...

Anonymous apparently you don't know what the definition of racist is. Make sure you check out my post about the Definition of Racism. Now, assuming you have a valid point and overlooking your lack of knowledge on the word racism, let's look at your comment.

hmmm your first statement says that if the shoe were on the other foot... but you don't put it on the other foot. you completely ignore the post and redefine the post to fit your stupid argument. So let's see how you redefined it.

You say that the post is about a black man [ME] whining [somehow ME is whining all of a sudden ] about Black women dating white men [ woah did you even read the article? ] then you say [ ME ] is unintellectual.

Ok, so obviously you didn't read the article at all.

I'll give you the cliff notes:
1. ME is reporting on a survey that was taken of Black men
2. the survey was about why Black MEN [not women, you moron] won't date nor marry Black WOMEN [ no other race was even asked about, nor do we care about other races in the survey, it a completely IN HOUSE survey, about OUR people, yes Black people talk to EACH OTHER ]
3. the answers were varied as to the reasons why Black MEN [ no women, you moron ] wouldn't date nor marry Black WOMEN.
4. I presented the 10 answers to the survey
5. I went over how the answers could be easily remedied because a lot of Black women sell themselves short and fall into stereotypes that were hoisted upon them by WHITE SOCIETY.

Now, go on and take some remedial English classes and then come back and read [ MY ] article, not the one you want to think you read. Take your head out of your hindside and go troll someone else.

The only reason I responded to your comment, is because it is a prime example of how white people usurp any and all discussions Black people have amongst themselves and seek to redefine the dialogue to their own twisted end to call us racist, when we are in fact conversing with each other, to the exclusion of all other races, as it should be.

Do not fall for white people redefining our own internal dialogue. We desperately need to talk amongst ourselves. Get away from the white people that try and call you racist, when you're having it out with your own brother / sister. Get away from the white people that try and "calm" you down. They are worse than the hatemongers, because they pretend to come in peace, when in reality all they are saying is "sit down and shut up, you should like what we give you."

Anonymous said...

I'm a white guy who dated a black girl this year, for the first time. She was very pretty. However, she embodied both Jezebel and Sapphire as roughly 70% of her total personality. Jezebel is no good for the long run, as in its extreme, it represents certain symptoms of a personality disorder that has other implications for her relationship to you (research Histrionic personality disorder). Sapphire is unbearable to live with. It was Sapphire that drove me away, but later I learned that I was also in a trap with Jezebel. I'm lucky to have gotten away, and am somewhat reluctant to give another black woman a chance. She was also racist at the end, which is what really hurt me. That's the primary element that has me emotionally turned off. I'm trying to work through it.

Its a shame, because I believe its the parents that create these personality types, and one flawed personality breeds another.

As a prologue to the story, she got engaged ten weeks after our breakup to an older man. Jezebel is cunning, and many men lose all reason when she manifests. I feel sorry for the sucker who bought that rock, because ten weeks in he has no idea what he's getting. Its like buying a car with a nice paint job, without checking under the hood first.

Anonymous said...

I ran into this by chance and reading through these comments one thing has stood out to me... "black women will not take the responsibility" and yet nowhere have you, as a black man, done the very thing you expect of black women.

Of course there are black women who fit those stereotypes, but that stems true for every single race. You say you love your race, but isn't ironic how you insinuate that other races are "better" than your own...

"White women however look beyond the facade and see what's there. They turn those same thugs you reject and settle down with them. I see it happening all day long. Do what other race women do, go to college” Your words, said to a black woman you know nothing about...

I also find it ironic that you expect black women to settle down with a man who has a blue collar job; the “thugs” etc yet so proudly state afterwards how you don't date outside your "class". Why aren't you looking "beyond the facade..."

So because the men in that study blamed black women for the downfall of the relationship we should now all believe that their word was gold and binding and there is no possible way they could have passed the buck in order to take the light off their own faults I'm sure.

You mentioned black women getting fat after marriage and how it is no longer attractive. As a black person you should know that a slim/muscular figure is an american-european based aesthetic (socially simplified). Historically black men preferred larger women because it served as a sign of fertility. I found that statement quite transparently superficial. (Maybe because I'm African).

I was brought up by a single parent and not once did my mother say anything bad about my father's character despite continual disappointments; he showed me how bad it was all on his own.

The problem here isn't black men or black women. The problem is black people such as you caught up in that highly vitriolic "blame the other sex" mentality and subsequently fanning the flame behind it. There are many decent black people of both sexes just as there are many who aren't and again this applies across the racial board. If you are so proud of your race do you honestly believe that an article such as this, based on the opinion of few, not to mention your comments... is helping bring black people together or widen the divide... “Obviously your race is affecting you more than you’re admitting” amazing how your words can time and again be so perfectly applied to yourself... Just my two cents.

Anonymous said...

I'm an educated, down-to-earth laid-back black woman. I understand why alot of black men feel this way. I admit that the black women I encounter in my day to day life usually do have bad attitudes and come off unfriendly. I often don't get along with them because they get annoyed by my happy-go-lucky attitude.

That being said, I find alot of black men to be lacking in humility, over-confident and overly agressive. Furthermore, they seem to be the least gracious and most disrespectful (especially when you don't return their advances). Finally, they always seem to have alot of "issues.": Color-conscious. Even if they are in school, I find many of them (especially American) are not taking it seriously or are getting poor scores. Shady friends or personal life. Womanizer. Party lifestyle with no indication of settling into a serious relationship. Or are just really immature.

Make no mistake about it, i am no "bitter woman." I'm very happy go lucky and enjoy my life. But, this is my pov and what I've experienced.

sweetlips said...

Ok Time for me to weigh in on this. I am a single black woman/mother. I have 6 children with 3 different dudes. I have been offered many a hands in marriage but sadly I turned them down. The reasons at first was I didn't love myself as I was the victim of abuse as a child. Wont go into much there but I had to build myself back up. In this process I was sapphire for a brief moment that persona was soooooo draining til I think it almost took the very life out of me. Then I sought religion to heal my woes but within the christian churches I found more discord and thus pushing me further into no man land and leaving me lost. After I left the christian church I found that I was a submissive female by trait and design. I switched my religion I am now MUSLIM and my life with GOD(ALLAH) has been bountiful. I'm in school to be a pharmacist when I'm done I will have my PHD. I have raised 2 daughters thus far to be outside the home my eldest is in the NAVY and my second attends college to be a lawyer. I have 3 sons one son wants to be an officer for the NAVY and one wants to be just like me an RPH. My baby boy is only 5 so he has time along with his 4yr old sister.....lol!!
This is where my children have gotten there strong views. I never let men come around my children unless I was serious about them. I may have had sexual intercourse but dont believe in shacking. Did that once and it was awful found myself being sapphire and had to later apologize to the black man I tore down. Then I realized I wasn't dating a black man. But a black boy with the age of a man. So inpart it was my fault for wanting something from him he couldn't give and I knew he couldn't.
I myself as of lately have no problem finding great black men even with 6 children.
Black women tend to think being independent is some declaration of some sort. As a single mom I am suppose to be independent I have children to feed and provide for. But as a single female looking for my knight I always find brothers who 1. have no children or 2. have 1 or 2 kids. Which most women with no children ask me all the time what does he see in you he don't see in me? Or I get oh she must kiss his ass because she has all them kids looks and words. But actually aside from my children I run my own business, I run a charity as I am big on community support and my intelligence speaks for itself.
I just happened to have made children along the way so most black men dont even fault me for that when they take the time to know me. Like right now I am dating a very nice guy with sole custody of his daughter. His family loves me to death and all his friends know how many children I have and who and what I am. Nobody has a bad word to say.
Most women see us out that know him and I get the looks, the stares, the finger pointing and so forth all from black women who he dated or wanted to date him. His ex even called him and said "you dating that welfare chic I see!!" He put her in her place quickly. I didn't have to say one word. I don't over speak him, I don't argue with him, he gets catered to no matter what it is because he chose me to be in his life. I feel special when I'm with him and we are making plans to be married after his deplyment to afghan is over. I know some women will say oh chic you're crazy I ain't catering to no damn nigga!! But ummm excuse me I drive a lexus he paid cash for I didn't ask for it nor did I need it but it was a gift. He tells me everyday it's the little things I do that makes him feel like a man. I love that.....I make him feel like a man!! Do you know how much power is in that statement my sisters??? Now I agree with most of the 10 reason and know a lot of these sisters.

sweetlips said...

part 2

I don't cater to his every whim in bed nor will I but he knows my body isn't mine it belongs to him and vice versa. He comes home with his money and I have been told many times I dont have to work outside my home once we are married. But he knows even though my 1st thought is him I still need something to do outside of him. He encourages me when I feel like I wanna drop out of school. I lift him up everyday sending him email-cards, care packages, sexy pictures and so forth since he is on deployment. But when we are married I know without a shadow of a doubt I choose the right hand to spend a lifetime with. And unlike some of you ladies who seem a little mad about the 10 reasons I am not. I find for the most part like peter some true and some false. But this is his opinion and he is entitled to it. I don't see where he put down black women he only stated what the horse is saying. Even my own man has said until me he was dating combative career minded women. Mind you I'm just now entering the work force again after being a stay at home mom. Yes a career isn't important to me either. Guess this is why being MUSLIM fits me better than christianity. Riddle me this most chrsitian black women say they believe in the bible but yet don't feel that GOD means for them to be submissive unto her husband not this day and age. So that means the 10 commandments shouldn't count either right?? SMH!!

Shakaama said...

@Sweetlips PART I

Thank you, first of all, for taking the time to read this post AND sharing your very personal story with me and others here.

Of course hindsight is 20/20 ONLY if you have the vision to even realize that you have been somewhere and through something. So many go through life, not even learning the very lessons life was trying to teach them.

-- About Christianity: Christianity ... like all ... is a RELIGION. People, including Christians, seem to forget this. In their zeel to PROMOTE and MARKET their religion [ I know a thing or two about marketing ] they think that it is the ONLY religion. Their marketing goes something like this:

only Christians will go to heaven and therefore everyone should be Christian and anyone who doesn't believe in Christianity is going to hell AND anyone who says otherwise is going to hell.

The truth is, it is self fulfilling marketing. If you break away from the church you believe, you yourself, are going to go to hell. Instead of it being a religion of love, that is pretends it is, it is a religion of fear, hate and discord. I am every shocked and amazed that so many people belong to the religion and even more shocked that they gain more followers. It is such a fractured religion that they have over 50 distinct and large sub-sects of the same religion, and would murder you if you said to their face that they are the same religion.

Don't get me wrong, Islam does too, but I haven't seen quite the number of divisions that Christianity has.

Shakaama said...

@sweetlips PART II


-- About you being for him and he for you: This is exactly where so many sisters fail. They are so caught up in this man-hating campaign and not realizing that they are not only destroying themselves, but destroying us as a people in the process. When I have a girlfriend, after the "getting to know you, i'm not sure if your'e gonna stick around" phase is over, I CATER to her, as a man should. I have never tried to "dominate" a woman, which I hear soooooo many women say they fear and that's why they are man-haters. Some times if you just give up and tear down these walls, you might find someone very lovely standing right in front of you. While I'm sure not every brother can buy a lexus, I guarantee, if these women would allow a man to be a man, they'd be getting flowers or chocolates or something tiny to express that the brother loves them.

I constantly hear sisters putting down brothers. YES, I hear ignorant brothers being idiots, and trust me i wanna choke them, [ screaming into their cell phones, that they have on speaker. Nothing i hate more than that ] But, these girls I hear are young young young. I just don't get it. And, I don't live in a "ghetto" nor a "projects" nor even the poor side of town. So it can't be poor people being mean or evil, like everyone thinks, these people are all middle-class.

Shakaama said...

@sweetlips PART III


-- Finally about so-called Christian women: no no no, they are no more Christian than I am a woman. Sitting in church doesn't make you any more Christian than standing in a garage makes you a Porsche. These women do no want to support any part of the bible that says submit to your husband. Hell half the time the preacher / priest / minister is even afraid to teach that lesson. [ same for them teaching that you can't be gay and Christian, but I digress ] These women want their cake and eat it too. It's all a marketing scheme. They feel that if they have more "Christians" that somehow they win. In fact, it's a constant numbers game. Which is really strange since the bible clearly says it's not. Hello, Sodom and Gamora was not about a numbers game, but clearly was about saving just one man and hopefully his family; Noah saved noone but himself and his family; Joseph, son of Jacob, saved only his father's family and brought them to Egypt during the famine, we assume the rest of the Hebrews died off. All along, being Christian, if you believe in it, is a hard strict task. In this day and age, nearly noone actually follows it. And those that do, are considered crazy, like the Amish, Mennonites, Anabaptist and Quakers.

Speaking of Amish, we, Americanized Africans, need to learn from that lesson and put our community first. We are so mesmerized by the larger, white, community that we readily give up our own. Yet, while other communities come and prosper in America, we don't realize that they are prosperous BECAUSE they stick with their community. We tear ours apart.

The article was to enlighten our sisters what's going on; what's the vocabulary; why brothers and sisters aren't getting along; and to finally have some dialogue. You can't talk if you don't know what you're talking about - vocabulary. You can't talk if you don't know what's wrong - how Black men feel about you. You can't talk if you don't know what's wrong - where you're hurting brothers. This was the whole point of the article.

I appreciate everyone who has commented on this article. I hope you share it with your friends, sisters and brothers. Maybe if you share it with some brothers they'll turn to you and say, "that's why I stopped dating sisters".

Anonymous said...

Just a short thing to say ...
"what needs to be focused on is the "why" and how black ppl got to this point."
Shouldn´t the focus be on the "how" black people get out of this??? I agree that Shakaama succesfully portraited some stereotypes who might or might not be true on many black women.... but i also agree that the way he presented his opinion and this blog post in general doesn´t fit the purpose of a mirror for black women and doesn´t serve to do anything to help the problem of dating between black people.
And as a last thing, if you want to change something your best way is always to start with yourself .... look in the mirror and try to find those aspects you wish your partner will have (support,love,understanding,etc.) and get out of the race schemes, even if this is about black people dating ..... relation problems can be found everywhere

This coming from a white boy^^

Shakaama said...

@David [I think]

After reviewing over 7,910,000 pictures in Google for the picture, I see absolutely no duplicate of the picture among the nearly 8 million. Furthermore, you have no way of being contacted, hence me commenting in my own blog. I could see if there were a second of more of the picture or more, as you suggested, but I didn't even find a one.

If you could provide me with a portfolio site of you, I'd be happy to accommodate you.

- = Shaka Ama = -

Anonymous said...

you know that not all just most black women are bitter.i go to school with a very nice black women,who i must say is one fine vixen.she's only sterotypical thing about her is she kinda sassy but she respects me for who i am.im black by the way.

Anonymous said...

It is hard for me to find Black ladies. Everyone I meet is ghetto fabulous, going nowhere, no brains, no self respect, no self worth, don't own a dress nor a skirt nor not one pair of high heels [being comfortable is fine but can you not show up to the date looking more like a man than me?]

This. You nailed it. I've encountered the exact same problems.

Anonymous said...

Shaka Ama,

Brotha’ you have initiated a thought provoking and controversial topic. This is "your" black perspective and I commend you on your topic. You touched on (some) of the general stereotypes or let’s say, not so glorified categories women tend to fall in. When I say “WOMEN” I mean all ethnic women. These categories can be associated with men as well. As you said these are stereotypes in which white America views us. You have strictly based your stereotypes from the theatre (big screen), videos and magazines. In other words, they don’t reflect the true nature of Black women and simply classify them; it instead makes it appear as though these are the only types of Black women out there.

Brotha’ I read the comments and some of your audience has great points and others are off base. The title of your article “Top 10 Reasons Black Men Won’t Date/Marry a Black Woman-Black Women the Most Alone” in it self is a mind catcher. But to say black women are the most “alone” is ludicrous, as we know there are more Caucasians and Hispanics in America. We also know there are more women than men in the world; of course they will be un-partnered. Don’t let me get into the homosexual and bi-sexual aspect of this and Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. Numbers 7 and 8 on the list are whacked. I can tell, brotha’, you have not dated a “seasoned” woman; take your thumb out you mouth and keep living. You are probably not familiar with a woman being a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed. I’m sure you probably don’t have any children nor had a woman with children. That six-pack may become a keg. :-) Feel me?

I am going to tell you the truth, there are some tired azz brotha’s out here that make it easier for the more serious, focused brotha’s to retain the black woman. Let’s stop and look at the black man, put the mirror on ourselves.

“Top 10 Reasons Women Won’t Date/Marry a Black Man”

1. A high percentage of black men are in prison, on parole or probation.

2. There are more black men in prison than college.

3. A high percentage of black children come from broken families (household).

4. A high percentage of black men pursue superficial and unobtainable goals; feed into the gross stereotypes of today.

5. A high percentage of black men tend to live beyond there means, not versed in financial aspects, materialistic, bad credit etc…,

6. No representation of God in there vocabulary.

7. Are envious of those in their ethnic group and have a “crab in the barrel mentality”.

8. Blacks have an alarming rate of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS.

9. Black men look for the easy way out.

10. They still us the “N**** word” to ourselves.


Brotha’ I can go on and on, I hope you see my point.

Janet said...

No doubt in all the comments there is some truth and non-truth. No one person has all the answers. It is not fair to judge. In each comment I can find something to agree and disagree about based on my experiences in dealing with these issues.The comment:"Black Men Won't Date or Marry a Black Woman, then who are they dating and marrying?" How do the other races feel about their women marrying black men? Why are women of other races turning to dating and marrying black men? Also, where I live I am noticing an increasing number of white men dating and marrying black females.

Anonymous said...

You know what shaka i fill everything you are saying im soooo bitter with black women. im like you i dated nothing but black women and have friends of many different cultures. my story is i was forbidden by my grand parents to bring home a white girl and so i followed that command bc i wouldn't wanna put that other person in a bad situation of getting the look or being treated like an outkast... to give history of me i got married at 19 to a sista bc i loved her we had our ups and down on both ends of course obviously we both admit now we were to young at the time and we were in the process of finding out about ourselves... so we would get into arguments and of course you would think the man would be the aggressor but i was being beat..told my peter was small...cursed out...compared to other guys...etc. now we both worked i worked full time and went to school and she worked partime i had no problem bringing the check home letting her do the bills and even settling for an allowance... on top of that i cooked im from new orleans of course shout out!...cleaned...did atomotive repairs...i even splurrged on her like sending flowers to the job..buying her diamonds....etc.and you know what what i was putting out i was not getting back not that i expected it but everyone wants to see there worth from they partner...to sum it up she was toooo prideful wanted to call the shots and man it was a nightmare...her friends and coworkers and single family members saw how i treated this woman and would say things as man i wish my dude would buy me a candy bar when he go to the store... so i started stepping out and mingling with other races and watching other races and they for the most part make they man feel like king of they home... but when you tell sistas that you have a woman of a different race exspecially a white woman... they get mad! I DONT GET IT... then the light skinned sisters plz dont look my way when i was young you dissed me now you wanna get with me cause the thugs and misfits you once ran behind are locked up, then knocked you up,or moved on...now you wanna come in my face cause im successful and act like we was cool.... im bitter and cant stand sistas...the good guys do finish last...but when they get older like mid thirties into 40's now you wanna holla!!!! psh..what am i gonna do with you now...

Anonymous said...

very good points,ive had more negative experiences with black females,too much attitude and drama,blaming everyone but themselves and they are guilty. yes black females do lack compassion for black males and are selfish as hell.my own so called family mostly black females are foolish.i told them the issues i had with black females and they still want me to get with black females.screw them,other races of women are easier to deal with and in my mind are far superior to black females.im not the only black guy who feels like this,i can promise you that.

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting yet sad blog. Black women are beautiful and very mulit-faceted. Although there are the mammies, jezebels, and sapphires these characteristics do exist in other cultures, races, and also males who portray these traits. This is a very narrow-minded view of black women that only feeds into stereotypes. Black women are powerful, and we were created especially for the Black man. When a Black man denies or rejects the woman The Lord created for him he loses out. There is a lot of negativity within the broken Black community. The Black woman who is not angry has her head buried in the sad. HAowever Black women continue to love, support, and try to keep it all together. A lot of times we continue on without support from our brothers, sometimes in spite of our brothers. Some of the blame has to be laid at the feet of Black men. As Black people we were created for greatness. However we will not reap the fruits with the watered down version of the Black men we have today. These Black men were created from the Master and are breathing and walking this Earth because of Black women. How can you turn your back on the Power that made you? Black women are not alone we have Our Love, Our Laughter and The Light to sustain us. So Brothas continue on with your pseudo lives kicking and screaming to fit into a white world you want so badly that does not want, need, or accept you. Gone on with your white women no matter how much she claims to love you she has an agenda and when it comes down to it You are Just a Nigger to her as we all are. For the Black man there is no woman that compares to the Black woman. The Lord has blessed us with everything you need, but no one said it was going to be easy. When you are with your white women (esp.) you always seem to look at us sistahs with a longing that no other woman can fulfill. A lot of these brothers ain't good for nothing but some watered down dick and sistas know we can get that anytime we want it.

bruff said...

You pointed out some valid points but I think you left out a huge one. The fact that so many of these girls and women are having children with guys, who don't stick aroundd. The guys with street game, flash and macho flavor. Unfortunately, these guys leave them to fend for themeselves. A real bad endictment of certain Black men. Unfortunately, for me when I meet a sister who has children, she becomes a non-consider in any way for a mate. On top of that, many never lose the baby weight gain. It doesn't suprise me that most are and will continue to be alone. Of course there will be Black women reading this and immediately default to, "just anonther self hater". I assure you this is not the case with me or many of the other Black male friends and associates I know, who share similar views. It's really sad because a lot of these ladies may have made some man a decent mate but because of her reluctance or unwillingness to change themselves, they will never have a fulfilling relationship with a good man. If you want a decent man they have to fish with fresh bait

Shakaama said...

I understand the last couple of comments.

Let me be clear though. I am not talking about hood rats [male/female]. This is about Black MEN who are seeking to date and get married.

I am surprised that the "baby-momma" was not one of the reasons given, because I personally completely ignore a Black woman with children already.

I have a limited time on this planet, to live. I will not spend it with someone woman that either was a horrible wife and became a mother, or was a horrible teenager and became a mother. Either way, more than likely, she is awful and either got divorced or never got married and is saddled with kids, AND DRAMA, which I do not have the time nor inclination to deal with.

I have a white friend that got married to a man, white. She was previously married and came into the new marriage with a kid. The new husband and she had a child together, also. The new husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage as well. She tells me how completely insane the situation is, because they have ex-wife and ex-hubby drama all damn day.

This, will not be me.

Just as I refuse to "raise" a Black woman, that should have been raise by her mother and father, I am not about to deal with some silly 3rd person in the middle of my marriage over a kid they had together.

I can handle eating quirks, or whatever side of the bed she likes better, but I refuse to try and cut through "I'm the queen of the house, obey me" or "it's past 6am you're lazy for still sleeping in bed, although you came in at midnight from work".

These men that did the survey were being brutally honest. They do not want to deal with stupid issues, in a woman they are supposed to be loving and later marry.

Can you blame them?

Anonymous said...

Women of other races don't marry black men unless they are rich and even then they just divorce them and take half their money. I never see average black men with anything other than trailer white girls or mexican girls with 3 kids. I also see white/latinas with half black kids and the dad has run off and left them.

And since I'm one of those tragic mixed girls (East African & Celtic) who's only dated white men and am currenty in a 1 year relationship with an Indian man I can tell you that many non-black men are interested in black women but most black women are still holding out for a black man. All of the black women that I know who date outside of their race are married, engaged or in long term relationships (at least here in California).

Maybe if black men didn't run off and leave their kids including their kids with non-black women their wouldn't be so many tragic mulattos and crazy black women. I'm going to look for a blog by whites on the 10 reasons they don't want black men going to their clubs.

Shakaama said...

Here's the problem with your statement, and a lot of people fall victim to this: you are only seeing maybe 40 people and think somehow that that's the rule and not the exception.

I am here to tell you, you need to actually do some research before making such bold and interesting statements. [ yes I'm being nice ]

Fact: only 8% of Black men date / marry white women.

Fact: only 5% of Black women date / marry white men.

Fact: the vast majority of Black men are married to Black women.

Ok, now that you know the numbers, we can talk about your comment. You think that white women only marry rich Black men. This is so far from the truth, it's as if you said you believe in santa clause.

Fact: everyone get wealthier as they get older. ( if they have any sense and work ethic )

The problem is that Black women are so selfish, so self-centered, so caught up in "me", and think that the world owes THEM something, that when a brother of any means, they drop HIM, and not the other way around. Black women think that if he is not driving a $25,000 car or better, he better not even talk to her.

So what are you seeing? You are seeing a white woman that dated some poor Black guy, or some college kid, and then STUCK WITH HIM, and encouraged him to do more and be serious about life and money, until he got richer.

Everyone talks about the "single Black female". Did you know that 20% of all Black men are single heads of households? That means they are raising kids by themselves.

The news is not going to tell you this.

The Black family is under attack. And, until you get that through your head, you'll keep falling victim to the propaganda.

Black couples do get married and they have a lower divorce rate than whites.

Oh, and as to this myth about Black men running off, WHICH IS THE ONLY GROUP YOU HEAR ABOUT, Black marriage is at 58%. There are a lot of data that miscategorizes people as NOT being Black... like spanish speaking Blacks, African speaking Blacks, etc.

We are under attack.

So stop going around telling people:
- white women only marry rich Black men
- Black men leave their kids
- Black men don't have long term relationships

They are all false, and a pretext to degrade the Black family on a national level.

So what is my article about? A national survey.

The survey is ONLY of the Black men that don't date Black women, WHY?

And, the reason that they put forward, was the opposite of your comment. They said Black women, basically, ran them off, acting like a man. No man, blue, pink, green or black, is going to want a woman that wants to wear the pants. If that were the case, he might as well be homosexual.

I constantly see it. I was watching a reality show, and a pretty, chubby, Black woman comes on screen to talk to the star of the show. Within 2 seconds she had told him off. And, all he had said was hello, when she came up to him.

I do meet some nice Black ladies, lately. They take care of themselves, nice and trim, speak proper English. But, those are few and far between. Most watch way too much TV and get their minds all twisted of "how they should act".

Anonymous said...

Good Points, but I disagree with the notion that women needs to compete for the man. A women always chooses. Your opinion is skewered by the fact that you were born wealthy, are well educated,and good looking. You have been preselected and are already elligible as the cream of the crop for most women, irrespective of there skin color.

I can tell that you are a man of good tastes and will gravitate to a very attractive, educated, and successful black women with the right attitude to complement your high standands, but statistics are against you. We live in a world with too many colors and too many choices and odds are you going to find the right mix outside of black.

But this cuts both ways. As a women of mixed color, who shares many of the advantages of life you do, I ended up loving a man alot like you except he happened to be white.

Anonymous said...

For all my black women out there all I have to say is DATE OUTSIDE YOUR RACE JUST LIKE ALL THE BLACK MEN ARE STARTING TO DO. They will change their whole lives to please a white woman , but yet will leave the black woman on the side with 2 kids and no child support. It's clear they don't want their own color anymore. It's a trend now. It's all to appeal to the white man. TRUST ME!

Anonymous said...

iTS NOT JUST BLACK AMERICAN WOMEN STRUGGLIN TO SNAG A BROTHER, EVEN WE AFRICAN BORN BROTHERS THAT HAVE MOVED TO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE DECIDED TO MOVE TO OTHER RACES, FOR THE SAKE OF A GREATER CHALLENGE FUNNY ENOUGH

Post a Comment