Monday, May 24, 2010

Movie Review: "Legion" is God Awful

Legion the Movie Review

Seriously, I don't want to review this movie, it was just that bad.  Ok, out on DVD is legion.  For us Christians, and I guess Jews [I'm not sure], this movie about angels and God would be interesting.  Yes, there's a guy with wings in it, and yes they mention "Him" about 50 times, in one sentence.  I counted.  But, it has nothing to do with Christian, nor Jewish, angels and nothing about God.  I mean, the Bible has to be the most widely read book in the history of man.  It is still a top seller.  So, why was nothing in this movie based on the Bible?

Don't get me wrong.  I love an original screenplay as much as the next guy, but this was just... bad AND blasphemous?  Who goes out on a limb to piss half the world off, on a budget of ... what $100 million? LOL

I can see the meetings now, "I know what if the angels had guns".."and long coats".

Let's get to the review.

Legion Review

Legion's uh... "story" is that God is pissed at mankind, YET again.  Ok we find this out in a narrative [I kid you not, they had to narrate this part, for us to figure out the main plot] But, instead of flooding the world [which would have been way out of budget, and it was done before where Morgan Freeman played the president] God instead sends... uh... angels that act like demons and possess people?  I am TOTALLY serious.  Yes, so instead of sending a flood, he sends his army of angels.  Only, the angels don't act very angelic.  They, for whatever reason, possess human, like demons, and run around acting weird.

So let's just stop using the word "angel".  Noone in the movie has wings except 1 guy.  Ok, there's another guy, but he cuts his off right at the beginning.  For whatever reason there are only 2 angels in this story about an angelic invading army. [oh hell, we all know the reason.  They couldn't afford to actually pay actors, so they just paid 200 extras to ... GET SHOT?  Oh yeah.  The "angels" seem to die from gunshot.

So the non-holy-spirit wielding angels, who are for whatever reason, are susceptible to gunshot, and die?  Wait, what?  The angels die?  Oh and I forgot, angels apparently have tattoos, all over their body for some reason.

The main angel, who is the good guy, is Michael the archangel [Paul Bettany, who apparently was strapped for cash].  The bad guy, is Gabriel the archangel [Kevin Durand, show me the money for my 3 scenes].  Wait, Michael is disobeying God and Gabriel is obeying God.  So who is the bad guy?  We are led to believe that Michael is the good guy.  [message? disobeying God is good]  And, why would Michael, the archangel, disobey God?  "Because he doesn't know what he wants."

oh really?

There were Black people in the movie too: Percy Walker [ played by mister Charles Dutton] and Kyle Williams (apperently intended to be a Jewish guy) [ played by mister Tyrese Gibson]

Plot holes: they had major plot hole issues.  In fact, you didn't know what was going on, one scene to the next.  They would introduce plots, skip scenes, return to the subplot, just to leave you more confused.

Character Development: there was none.  They killed everyone in the movie, except Charlie the main plot character [ played by Adrianne Palicki].  Everyone was stereotypical.  So, who cares about character development.  There was a:
  • thug Black guy: Tyrese
  • praying Black guy: Charles Dutton
  • rich white guy: who gets killed 20 minutes into the movie
  • a slutty teenager
  • a nagging wife
  • a slutty, no husband having, hooker that's pregnat: surprise, the main character
  • a cheap greasy spoon shop owner that yes at the waitress when there is 1 order ready
  • the I'm so cool, I shoulda been a shiny twilight vampire, but I'm too old, angel: who wield dual AK47s
Cinematography: none to speak of. 99% of the movie is shot inside the diner.  Also, 50% of the film is shot in the dark.  I hate that, to no end.  So they have action sequences.  But, because they can't afford a stun coordinator nor a fight choreographer, they just shoot it in the dark.  

Soundtrack: lol yeah right.

Entertainment value: if you have a brain don't go see this movie.  There are far superior movies with angels in them, with original scripts [hello Angels and Demons]

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